Is My Husband The Boss of Me?

by

You're wearing WHAT?!

Note before I begin:

TH is not a supporter of this blog. I mean, he supports everything I do. But he doesn’t read the blog. And he expects to not be mentioned–ever. For the unitiated, TH stands for The Husband.

So, I mention him only when necessary. That’s fair.

I had to ask for special permission to write this post. And my permission was granted–grudgingly. So I ask that if you know him, pretend you didn’t read this post. If someone tweets him or shoots out an email to him, teasing him about this post, my blog will be shut down forever.

Okay, so here’s the thing.

I’m one of those neck-swiveling wives. I’m not meek. If I think he should wash the dishes, I’m nagging. If I don’t like something he says, he’ll know it. My pointer finger has been known to be in the near vicinity of his face.

My husband is unflappable. When I’m giving lip, he ignores me. When I’m nagging, he nods and smiles and goes back to watching Meet The Press.

But when it really goes down and I need him, he’s there for me. Unwavering.

We’re both self-made hustlers. We chin-stroke often and try to figure out how to take over the world. If we ever joined forces and did a blog or a radio show or a book–we’d be dangerous. For real.

But we don’t get down like that.

It’s almost like when we leave the house, we morph into different characters—Clark Kent and Lois Lane, giving each other a sly smile from across a crowded industry party.

Damn. I’m digressing like mad.

My point:

I am a fiercely independent, hear-me-roar kind of woman. If TH says something I don’t like, maybe something like how long are these dishes going to sit here. I might snap back and say, until you wash them.

You know. That kind of thing.

One thing I’ve never given much thought to is how my look is perceived by TH.

I’m a jeans and flats kind of girl. A Little Black Dress when I have to. I do like a sky high stiletto. But that’s about as far into fashion I go.

And TH is on the same level with me. Rugby  and denim during the week. With the occasional fly blazer combo. And cleans up very nice when necessary.

So.

This weekend was his class reunion.

Y’all know what I was thinking. What the heck am I going to wear?

My shallow side took over. My husband was popular in high school. Cute girlfriends. All that. I was a mousy geek whose hair was rarely done. And I’m just coming into my own as far as confidence and fashion sense.

So, I looked in my closet to see what I would wear. I wanted to look exceptional. Not just nice. For once in my life, I wanted to make an entrance. I wanted people to nudge each other and say, who is that?

Did I already mention that I understand that I was being shallow? Okay. Good. Cause it gets worse.

Here’s the dress I pulled out of my closet:

Ladies, if you ever see this dress by Calypso and you try it on and you like it, buy it. In more than one color. I LOVE this dress. It’s easy, cute and flirty. You can dress up with stilettos or you can dress it down in summer with strappy sandals. I even wore a deep purple version in fall with boots a few years back.

I slipped into my dress. Tied it up. Looked in the mirror. I looked…nice.

TH was shaving.

“Hey, I’m wearing this,” I said.

“Looks nice.” he said. Went back to shaving.

“Just nice? Or do I look like, wow! Hot!”

TH narrowed his eyes. Like any husband, he knew this was a very loaded question that had to be approached like a live land mine.

“Um. I wouldn’t say hot. But you definitely look very nice and I like that dress.”

TH had just detonated the land mine.

“I don’t want to look nice.” I said. “I want to look HOT. I want your friends to say, oh word? That’s TH’s wife!?”

TH laughed.

“Okay. Well that dress doesn’t say that. But I still like it.”

I dashed off to Montclair in search of another outfit. I tried on a few dresses here and there. Nothing felt like me. I was all ready to give up and look nice.

But I ran nto Urban Outfitters to take a quick look around. Urban Outfitters is a hit or miss place. Love their jeans. Everything is else is like a fair-weather friend. In the fitting room, y’all are joking and laughing and talking about all the fun you’ll have out in the world.

And then you get home and all of a sudden that cowl neck sweater is itchy. And the sequins are falling off. And you look in the mirror and realize you look like a Dance Fever reject.

I’m wary as I step around the racks. And then I find myself standing in front of a rack of jumpers.

I don’t understand this jumper trend. It’s a onesie.

It’s a glorified bodysuit! It looks sexy on the mannequin. But does that translate to people who are not made of wood?

They remind me of those blue belted jumpsuits that were required for gym in elementary school. Does anyone remember those!! Damn, I’m old.

Anyway, I dragged a few onesies into the fitting room.

No. Not my color. Don’t like how it made my chestical area look. And what’s up with the crotch? I also don’t like flimsy clothes. Next.

Eh. The top feels like a prom dress from Claire’s. That heart shaped neckline is icky. The rest I kinda liked. Kinda.

Hmmmm…I love how this top is tight and scrunchy. Not crazy about the flimsy shorts but I adore the pockets. Is it too much? Too much skin? These shorts are short. What would TH say? Would he even notice? I walked around the fitting room a bit. And I was sold. I loved it. I felt current, with-it and yes, sexy.

I’m 36. I am a straight up slob in my every day. I needed this. Work with me people.

I copped a clutch, cute pair of shoes and was back home within an hour.

“Wanna see what I’m wearing?” I asked TH.

“Nah, I’m sure you’re fine.” he said.

And we were off, kids in tow. I packed my outfit and planned to change at my sister in law’s house, while we dropped off the kids.

I zoomed into SIL’s bedroom, with her right behind me.

She saw the look in my eye.

“What are you wearing?!”

I slipped into my jumper and my stilettos.

“Well?”

SIL’s eyes widened.

“What did my brother say?”

“He didn’t see it.”

“Did you bring a back up dress?”

I had. My twenty dollar black sheath from Target that always works in an emergency. If TH flipped out, I’d change.

I went out to find TH.

“I’m ready,” I said.

“Okay let’s go,” he said.

“Um? TH. How do I look? This is new.”

TH said, “You look nice. Come on, we’re late.”

“Can you take my picture first?”

TH snapped this in SIL’s kitchen.

I was feeling myself y’all. Yes it’s short. And strapless. And I’m wearing bare legs and heels. Is it too much? Honestly, yeah. But how long will I be able to rock this? I put on five pounds each year that are hell to work off. And let’s face it, I can’t rock this when I’m 50, no matter what kind of shape I have.

I wouldn’t wear this to a club without TH. I’m a bit of a traditionalist in that sense. Wearing this alone for drinks with the girls says, come kick it to me. But wearing it while on my husband’s arms at his reunion says, hey, his wife cleans up good!

Before we leave, I throw on a wrap since I’m half-naked and it’s 30 degrees out.

We go to the party. So much fun. I meet all his friends.

At some point, my wrap ends up on the back of my chair. I look at the photo albums being passed around and talk to all of TH’s friends, including his 7th grade girlfriend. (Who was drop dead gorgeous).

At one point, someone asked me my name, and I looked down at my name tag and realized it was on my wrap.

I said, oh, I’m Aliya. I have that on my name tag but it’s on my wrap over there.

“Here,” TH said, “let me get it for you.”

And suddenly, my wrap was covering my shoulders.

Did TH really want people to see my name tag? Or did he want people to NOT see my outfit?

It was the first inkling that he wasn’t feeling my outfit.

I brought it up on the ride home and it wasn’t pretty.

A summary of TH’s thoughts.

1. Outfit was too sexy.

2. Brought too much attention

3. Inappropriate

4. If he’d seen the dress in the store, he would have vetoed it.

5. If he’d known I’d bought a back up dress, he would have asked me to wear it.

I came with something really lame:

I asked you if you wanted to see it. You said no.

“Right,” said TH. “But you knew it was questionable. That’s why you packed another dress. But I didn’t know you had options. So what could I say? When you asked me if you looked nice, I didn’t want to say, hey, wear something else. At that point we’re an hour away from home.”

He was right. I knew he might want a backup dress. And I brought one. But didn’t tell him. I was waiting to gauge his response. He said nothing so I thought I was in the clear. But he only said nothing because he thought I had no other options.

We didn’t argue about it. But we had a very deep discussion about it last night.

I love that outfit. I feel good in it. And I want to wear it again.

TH wants me to take it back to the store.

Whoa.

I’m not sure how I feel about my husband dictating what I can and cannot wear.

On the one hand, he’s my husband and the head of my household. If something makes him uncomfortable, I want to respect that.

On the other hand, I’m grown. Full stop.

We had an hour long civilized discussion about the jumper. It ended with me deciding to try it on with stockings instead of bare legs.

“What if I don’t like it with stockings?” I finally asked. “Who gets the final say so on this jumper?”

My husband is a laconic, laid back fella. He just wants the remote, a home-cooked meal and peace and quiet. He’s not given to displays of emotion. I’ve seen him cry three times in ten years. He’s never raised his voice at me. Ever. His usual expression is a bemused look of general satisfaction.  He usually has serious deep discussions with me with one eye on The Colbert Report. But when I asked that loaded question, he peeled his eyes away and put the television on mute. (!!!) He looked directly at me:

“I think I should have the final say.”

His voice was soft. But determined.

I’m usually the boss of him, always walking around throwing out chores, rushing people out of the shower and being the typical drill sargeant wife/mom.

So TH’s response threw me for a loop.

Do I give it away? (I can’t take it back now that I’ve written this post. HA!)

Do I try it with stockings and pumps? (Not liking the idea. I wore these amazing open toed shoes and they wouldn’t work with stockings)

There is a holiday party I will be attending at my mother’s job in a few weeks. I want to rock my romper. TH is not going. He will be out of town. He says I definitely shouldn’t be rocking that at a party without him.

I don’t understand that logic. Will wearing something sexy make me cheat on him? Of course not. Does he want me to blend in and look bland? If so, why? Is he so used to seeing me look like a schlub that showing skin is a shock for him?

I’m gonna stop typing right now and show you what I mean.

…………

This is me. Five seconds ago.

Monday, November 30, 2009 8:28 AM

I actually wore this yesterday to run some errands. And you know what TH said? “You look nice. I like that.”

C’mon y’all. When your husband thinks THIS is your version of cleaning up, there’s a problem. I think that’s why my sassy onesie didn’t go over well. I think.

I can’t call it. Can you?

Dear Readers: Ladies and gents, please be brutally honest in the comments. Do you defer to your partner with what you wear? If you partner said, this outfit makes me uncomfortable, would you honor their wishes or wear it anyway? Where do you draw the line? Although TH does not read my blog, I will forward him the comments from this one. And I’m posting a poll. If the majority give this a Nay, I won’t wear it again.

I have no idea how many male readers I have. More women comment than men. But if you’re a dude, I’d really like to hear from you too. In your opinion, is this outfit too much? Should it stay in my closet? Or should my husband let it go.

As always, I’d love to hear from you.

hit me up in the comments (please) and vote in the poll too.

P.S. Though I loathe to admit this. I feel I must, in the interest of full disclosure. When Tog saw me in this outfit, she said, look Mommy’s naked!

 

UPDATE: TH wants me to clarify. He thinks this outfit is fine–for the right occasion. Something glamorous and over-the-top. A Grammy after-party. A book signing. My farewell concert tour. Etcetera.

UPDATE #2: There was another incident at the reunion that really sealed my fate. I didn’t post in the original post because I thought TH would kill me. He said I need to post it to give context.

When we were leaving, one of TH’s friends came over and said, (quite loud) “Damn! Why your wife up in here looking all hot? And she’s here with you?!”

There was a round of nervous laughter.

And then some other guys said thinks like, “Your wife looks really nice! Yeah, go TH.”

It was a little weird. And I knew at that point my goose was cooked.

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65 Responses to “Is My Husband The Boss of Me?”

  1. @KngtRdr Says:

    No one should tell another what to, or what not to wear. He’s free to sit down and discuss why he doesn’t like something but he has no right to tell you what you can and can’t wear. He’s not your father. He’s your husband.

  2. Littlemissbrown Says:

    Loved the jumper! You looked sexy and hot!!! If anything, TH should have been trying to get you home and out of that IMMEDIATELY!

  3. Ashbunnie Says:

    For one, let me state this: You looked awesome in the romper. Thumbs up for the whole coordination of the outfit.

    I understand BOTH sides of this story. Your indepedence is telling you that you should have the final say so in what you can and can’t wear. i agree. However, when in a marriage, after having children, there are certain looks you can’t go for. The look you had going on, even though you looked hawt, was verrrrrry single. Which i’m pretty certain that’s not what you were going for at all. Now do I think you should take it back? No. But should you wear it without him on your arm? No. The message the outfit sends is verrrrrrrrrry “come holla at me because i’m sexy”.

    Now, did TH overreact when he told you take it back? Yes, you are NOT his child. What he should have said was “Babe, I realllly do not like the outfit too much. If you wear it with some stockings or a shoulder wrap, I’d appreciate it”. He’s protective of his Lady. He doesn’t want OTHER men undressing you with their eyes. So when you’re wearing your errand clothes, he loves it because it’s leaving soooo much to imagination. My opinion.

    But all in all, cute look.

  4. Ashbunnie Says:

    Also, if you rocked that with some really dark tights and some platform mary janes or with a bright red shoe. you’d be very chic.

  5. Veronica Says:

    Arrrgh! I’m 26 and I’m well into my “hear-me-roar!” stage, so initially, I thought “To hell with this dictatorship! Rock the romper!” It’s suuuuuuuuuupercute (and now I want one for myself), and I think every woman has the right to be sexy and supercute as she pleases.

    That said… I remember one time my mother (at 39 or 40) was going out with her friends. She emerged from her bedroom with a slinky, black, backless jumpsuit. Now, she totally has the body for it, and it looked hot, but I remember thinking… errrrrr? Where you going? Who you tryna holla at? My dad didn’t say anything, and I couldn’t figure out why.

    All that to say… I get it. The outfit could read “single,” and TH doesn’t want that. But I also don’t think that you should have to TOTALLY cover up! That defeats the purpose, doesn’t it? So what if you rocked just the tights, or just the cardigan (which also looked really nice, by the way)?

    (***Adding: Now reading @bevysmith’s comments on Twitter and they make a WHOLE lot of sense***)

  6. Nightfall Says:

    I’m a single guy.Never been married so take my opinion with a youthful grain of salt. Whenever I felt that a partner of mine was wearing something I felt brought on too much or the wrong kind of attention. I would mention it but I wouldn’t request her to change. That call would be hers. If she feels that comfy in it then I’ll let it ride and see how the night plays out. Now there is a huge difference obviously of a wife vs. a girlfriend.

    No he’s not your father but the question then becomes what’s more important, your sense of style or his level of comfort. Because this seems to be a rare issue I think I’d just go along with your wishes personally and let u enjoy the outfit.

  7. Anonymous Says:

    I’m a male and I’m going with th on this one … The outfit was inappropriate for a high school reunion and any other event for that matter .your 36 not 26 and you weren’t going to the club . I think a woman can be sexy without bring half naked … I

  8. Robyn Says:

    I think you looked hot in the jumper. Definitely got what you were looking to get as far as the wow-factor.

    However, I agree with your husband on this matter. Only because I too was raised by a strong man, like you were, that was the head of the household. When I marry, even though I am a hear-me-roar woman too, I will let him be the head, even when I disagree with him. Husbands have a huge responsibility to keep a family intact. If things go awry, God will have a hard look and strong words for him in particular.
    I’m competitive. I always want my team to win, and marriage/family is a team. I’ll let my husband QB, even though I may have my T.O. diva WR moments now and again. (lol) ; )

  9. AmyNicole Says:

    LOL. i love this blog. I’m not married so, I’m not an expert in these situations. I would say just say rock the onesie w/ the shaw. compromise. :)

    You looked hot tho! :)

  10. TIERRA226 Says:

    Aliya, you’re rocking that jumper. But I agree with lilmissbrown. Some men don’t like people oogling their significant others and TH sounds like one. However, I don’t think you should get rid of it. Stockings should tune down the sexiness- hopefully enough for TH, lol. Because of the conversations you two have had, I think a compromise wouldn’t be out of the question.

  11. akima Says:

    You definitely rocked it out in the romper. LOVE the shoes! That said, I can see why your husband felt some type of way about it.

    I’m also very much one of those “I do what I want” women but some stuff you just do to keep the peace. I would probably at least try it with stockings or tights + wrap and see if you all can agree on it that way.

    I don’t think that a husband has the right to dictate what his wife wears. However, I do believe that we have the right to tell folks we care about and who care about us how we feel about something and have that taken into account.

  12. SingleSassySweet Says:

    I agree w/ AmyNicole…I’m not married, but I think you should respect your husband’s wishes. I think you def look HOT in the outfit and I’m glad that you have gained the confidence to wear it.

    Maybe you could save it for date night or something where it’s just the two of you going out together.

  13. Soulfull Says:

    Hey A! First off, thanks for clarifying what TH stood for. LOL! At any rate, my vote is to eBay the jumper or at least save it for the summertime. I don’t think it was appropriate for the function and the fact that it was 30 degrees out really sealed the deal for me.

    Nine times out of ten, I’m deferring to my partner on what to wear to events that we attend together. If he doesn’t like something, then I’ll change it to accommodate the look we’re going for. Couples should always take into consideration what they look like together when dressing for an event and if there’s any tension regarding outfits, then the whole look/coordination fails. For example, one time TH begged me to wear this hawt black and white dress to a concert and I’m like, “naw babe, it’s too much”. In the end, I wore it and it was so weird how random folks were complimenting us on having a “unified look”. Now don’t confuse unified with straight up John Witherspoon coordination cause that’s not what I mean. I’m talking red carpet coordination where the color or subtle details pull you both in. Ultimately, if you are out together then each of you are a reflection of the other so it’s important to be on one accord fashion-wise. (Sidebar: I might’ve missed it, but what did TH wear that night? Just curious.)

    Okay so if we’re not together than I’ll listen to his concerns regarding my outfits, but ultimately I get the final say so. When I go out, I’m dressing for me and since I’m his wife, he should already know I’m not going to disrespect him to the point that I’m going out dressed like a member of the Pussycat Dolls.

    In the end, I can totally understand why you wanted to strut yo stuff. He was a hottie in HS and you wanted to trump all the other chicks, but you definitely could’ve achieved that with another “yes-I-know-I’m-fine-but-I-got-a-man” outfit.

  14. Camielle Says:

    I think you looked HOT in the romper! I saw the pic and literally said ‘WOW’ out loud. That said, I wouldn’t have worn it to my husband’s high school reunion. (I’m not married though) It looks like something you would wear for a night on the town, concert, something like that. I kinda agree with your husband…you knew there was a good chance he wouldn’t like it, otherwise you wouldn’t have brought a back-up. I don’t think it has anything to do with your husband ‘running’ you…I just think he doesn’t want his buddies eyeing you down all willy-nilly. Maybe a nice bolero jacket and some stockings and/or boots would make him feel a little better…if not…I’d lose the romper. It’s not worth making him uncomfortable or upset over.

    P.S. I PRAY I look as good as you do at 36 after children! :-)

  15. Mike Says:

    Wow. What a great read. I went through both of your emotional roller-coasters while reading this post. I really did. I sympathize with TH (as a husband myself), and I empathize with you. I am also in my 30s, and have been married to a beautiful woman for 7 years…and I swear we’ve had these same kinds of conversations. It’s complicated on so many levels, and there are so many variables to consider.

    I don’t even know where to begin. I was most grateful to hear that you and your husband didn’t yell and scream and get into a “fight” about this. I really appreciate the way you had a deep conversation. Because all of this stems from FEAR. His fear of losing you, and your fear of losing independence. He’ll never admit that he’s afraid, but when you filter out all of the “stuff;” that’s exactly what it is.

    Additionally, some women just don’t understand the hunter nature of some men. Not saying that women are all prey to the salivating, sex-hungry man…but…as a husband, we want to protect you (as best as we can) from unnecessary glances, stares, “ay girls,” “where you goin’s,” “damn, she thick…” comments. We vomit in our mouths at the thought of someone saying and/or even THINKING that about our wives. And as much as possible, we want to avoid any and all conflict. I’ve been in clubs where dudes will try to holla at my wife WHILE SHE’S HOLDING MY HAND. I’m a non-violent dude…but a few of the ONLY fights I’ve been in, result from some dude trying to holla at my wife…while I’m standing there…Some ladies would say…”aaaaah, it doesn’t matter…as long as she knows what’s what…” Yeeeeeah…that doesn’t work for even the most confident of men.

    On the flip, I recognize that as women get older and things begin to happen physically, socially, and mentally, the view of independence and sexuality shift. There are so many messages about what women should be, and how they should look. It’s an unbearable amount of pressure and unstated expectations to be “The best” that men will never truly understand.

    So, without making this as long as your post…lol…I’ll just say that…I definitely understand both of your views…

    In regards to your actual question…should you take it back…not necessarily. But I definitely wouldn’t wear it without him. It’s not about the dress…it’s about addressing and not ignoring your husbands fear.

    My wife is very voluptuous. Amazing curves. And she’s beautiful. Not tooting my own horn, but I did pretty good, considering I’m a geek in many ways.

  16. Mike Says:

    Ignore my last sentence…I was about to start another angle, but decided to just end it…LOL. Thanks and goodnight!

  17. African American Mom Says:

    Oh my goodness, have I been through what you hve been through and had the same discussions. It is hard to tell what I can and cannot wear with my husband, too. It looks like our styles are the same.

    One day I took my oldest to school in a tank top and he asked me to put on more clothes. I think we could step it up a little.

    You should respect your husband but sounds like you can keep the outfit. Wear it to the party next week but wear tights and maybe, even boots. Get a pass for it though. It can still be cute. You did look great, which I believe is a compliment to your husband. You live with him and not me so respect his wishes but step the up the game in the clothes department. I am trying myself to step it up myself. Maybe if we step it up more often the hubs and kids won’t think we look out of character. Now to find money to shop…..oh and what about the time? When you get over that hurdle let me know.

  18. Wifey Says:

    OK, first and foremost, you were workin’ it girl! You looked awesome (and age appropriate) and get a big thumbs up on the outfit from me.

    But, I’m not your husband.

    Here’s my thoughts:

    You’re in a PARTNERSHIP. Neither one of you should put each other in the situation where you are demanding what the other should do. I believe ultimately it is your decision about what you choose to wear (as it is his decision about his clothing) but you should take your husband’s input and most importantly, his feelings into account. That’s not being forced to do something or being made to feel like he’s your daddy, that’s being smart and considerate. You don’t have to agree with him, but think about what he shared with you, put yourself in his shoes and make a decision from there.

    Also, if I read the post correctly, he didn’t demand that you do anything or act like your father. He barely even said anything and probably would have never said anything if you didn’t ask him. You asked his opinion on both outfits, you brought it up on the car ride home and then you forced his hand on the big one, “who gets the final say so on this jumper.”

    I see it so clearly because I, too, have been guilty of pressing the issue when it should be left alone; asking questions I really don’t want the answer to; and backing both of us up against a wall that really isn’t necessary.

    Only you can decide whether to wear the outfit again or not, but just remember when you make your decision that you pressed him for his input. He didn’t do the macho, cave-man you’re my woman thing here.

    Can’t wait to see how it turns out!

    Winks & Smiles,
    Wifey

  19. Aliya S. King Says:

    Y’all are killing me with these comments. I LOVE MY DEAR READERS. PLEASE KEEP THEM COMING!!!

  20. SoSi Says:

    I think you look amazing in that outfit. A-EFFIN-MAZING. For real. Seriously. I was high-fiving you & everything when I got to the photo (especially after reading the entry where you rocked cowboy boots with everything & had your girl critique your ‘fits).

    You look incredible!

    But, as sad as it makes me, and I’m sure you – I’m going to have to say let TH have this one. If he’s okay with you rocking it either for the ‘right occassion’ or with tights & the wrap then that’s a decent compromise, I think.

    The ONLY reason I am saying this is because when I consider they way you’ve described TH’s demeanor, it doesn’t sound as if he makes rash or illogical decisions. If he was uncomfortable with the jumper I think you should (have to?) respect his opinion as his wife.

    Besides, you accomplished your original goal of stuntin’ on his exes and former classmates. BRAVA! LOL

  21. Lala Says:

    hi dearest.
    my first answer. the quickest way to get me to do something is to TELL me not to do it. “head of household” doesn’t register with me. i have a partner and anyone i am in a relationship with knows very well that “i got a daddy already”. however, i am very much open to the expression of feelings and wishes. demands and orders go nowhere with me. i don’t accept them and i don’t solicit them. so i think that TH’s wishes are completely valid so long as they are expressed as such.

    now aside from the question of “i am man, hear me roar!”, i do agree that the outfit isn’t appropriate for a reunion. it’s not really a question of being married or not, that’s more of a club outfit. i told you i liked it, but i thought you were headed out with your girls. after a certain age, we know that certain outfits are appropriate for certain occasions/places. the definition of sexy changes. i think it’s something you should always aspire to, but it can’t always mean short shorts/skirts. sometimes it’s about showing your form, sometimes it’s a powerful pant suit & bitching heels, sometimes…it’s boob. whatever. but at our age there has to be a balance. show this/cover this.

    going to your husband’s reunion (or even your own) is more of a pretty dress type of affair. it really was too short. i don’t mind the shoulders being out, cuz i believe in giving a lil something. you just gave a bit much. i think circumstances like this are a time for you to self-edit. i can understand his feelings and it’s probably hard for him to express them knowing how tricky the issue is.

    if i were you i’d keep the outfit, but save it for a nice summer day and wear it with cute flat sandals and a great bag. sometimes you can do more during the day than at night. legs in flats aren’t the same as legs in high pumps.

    but to answer your question. his compromise is learning how to express his feelings and understand that he should never talk to you like his word trumps your thoughts. your compromise is taking his feelings into account, and also letting your definition of sexy age a bit. we can still turn heads with a ittle more cloth!

  22. Safera Says:

    Not again! My post keeps deleting. Doh!

    Take three

    You look Hot in your outfit and those pumps lengthen your legs and the romper compliments your physique.

    However, bear with me…

    30 degree weather and a high school reunion setting does makes this outfit inappropriate.

    I can see why TH would be upset and I see why you want to stand your ground.

    May I suggest a compromise? How about this:

    http://www.asos.com/Asos/Asos-Bandeau-Wide-Leg-Jumpsuit/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=772368&cid=7618&Rf-200=4&Rf-800=-1,100.000&sh=0&pge=1&pgesize=20&sort=-1&clr=Black

    It gives you the coverage that tights would, but with a polished and sophisticated edge. The same sexiness as the original with a little mystery.

    Add statement earrings or a statement necklace with simple earrings, a belt and the pumps and clutch you wore.

    BTW: If you can’t find something similar, pair tailored trousers with a tube top and marry the two with a belt to maintain the clean silhouette. That way you have three pieces that work with the rest of your wardrobe.

    *Sidebar: I can’t stand shorts and tights combo, though it seems to be popular here in London. I rank it in the same category as Uggs and mini skirt combo, equally as puzzling.

  23. schukumba Says:

    First, I loved the outfit. I too, thought it was cute. I did think it was a tad ‘spare’ for a high school reunion in November. But that’s just me (and TH I guess).

    In terms of the last word, you’re a grown woman, and since you weren’t literally naked, you can take his opinion under advisement, but the last word is yours.

    Obviously, you’ve got to choose your battles, and if you know it’s going to irk him (even if he’s not going to be vocal or demonstrative about it), then be prepared to deal with whatever the fallout is for not respecting his wishes.

    Put the shoe on the other foot. If you were going out with him, and he was wearing something that made him look uber sexy that you didn’t want him to wear (and he wore anyway). And then add the fact that the ladies were paying him special attention, and he was loving it. How would that make you feel, if you asked him not to wear it or if he wore it KNOWING that you didn’t necessarily approve?

    I’m not one of those dudes. I actually WANT wifey looking as hot as she wants to when we go out. If some dude has the audacity to step, I’ll squash him (It’s happened before), but I would never ask my hunny bunny not to flex her fabulous muscle – especially not as a woman of a certain age.

    I think that it’s important that women feel beautiful and have the support of their men when doing so. I don’t think your outfit crossed the line into hoochie-land, so he should have been ‘ok’ with it, but different strokes and all that.

  24. Paul Cantor Says:

    I understand where TH is coming from. You want your partner to draw attention, but not too much attention, and for the right reasons, not because she’s showing off a lot of skin (which is the obvious attention-grabber here). I think there’s a line that needs to be towed, and clearly TH feels you stepped on the other side of it. He may have a point.

    But me personally, I would have just let it rock. I wouldn’t mind my former schoolmate buddies oogling and ogling over my partner. Sure, we’re not in high school anymore, but things never change. Life is but a set of high school hallways, and you always wanna be walking around with a bad bitch.

    But maybe I’m just shallow like that haha

  25. Veronica Says:

    Mike said:

    “Because all of this stems from FEAR. His fear of losing you, and your fear of losing independence. He’ll never admit that he’s afraid, but when you filter out all of the “stuff;” that’s exactly what it is. ”

    …wow.

    Who knew this would turn into such a teaching moment? (At least for me.) Lol.

  26. sunshyne84 Says:

    You were going for hot, he should be proud you got those comments. lol He needs to loosen up and get more acquainted with the sexy Aliya, it’s not like it was skin tight and you don’t bring that side out very often anyway. I think you looked fine, but I understand you’re married so try stockings for future occasions. I don’t like those shoes you wore though.

  27. aqua Says:

    Real quick: they key to a long lasting marriage is knowing when to choose and pick your battles. Call it compromising, if you will. Let TH have this one. You’ll win hundreds more down the line.

  28. Serena Kim Says:

    Outfit was amazing. I loved it. I love rompers. And I think that’s a good one. But just for the record, you can wear tights with open toe shoes ( i read that somewhere, though i haven’t actually done it). Also, my husband and I have some pretty major fights about what I wear. So you’re not alone.

  29. HQ Says:

    I loved the jumper on you. Your hubby should be happy that you are still young and in shape enough to wear that. With that being said, I’m not sure it was appropriate for a reunion. An outing to the club maybe, ir a party.

    A relationship is a partnership. There has to be some give and take. I think if the clothing is within the bounds of propriety, you should wear what you want. But if not, you may have to defer.

    I think if it had been a truly serious issue, he would have flipped his shit and it would have been the end of it. Yeah, he didn’t know if you had a backup outfit, but if it has been truly inappropriate, he wouldn’t have cared. So in this outfit you played with the line, but didn’t actually cross it IMO.

  30. Something Like Beautiful Says:

    I think you look absolutely gorgeous. Maybe a little too extra for a school reunion in November but at 36? You’re spitting HOT FIYAH!

    I’m not married so I’m kind of on the fence. I see both points BUT you did point out to your husband that you wanted all eyes on you when you entered the room. You didn’t look sleazy, I don’t think you looked available…you looked just very fly and confident.

    Don’t retire it.

    I would respect my husband’s point of view, keep his feelings in mind whenever I wanted to buy something a little RISQUE, but I’d make the ultimate decision. TH has to learn to trust and respect your taste.

  31. Lashonda Silver Says:

    OK…
    1st …way better look on you than the model.
    2nd…not feeling the remark you are 36 not 26. What does that have to do with the price of tea in china(as my grandma used to say).
    3rd…as a married woman, I get where you are coming from. I have changed outfits to catch “the man’s” attention when I did not get the initial reaction I wanted. One such outfit is still mentioned to this very day by his cousin. With that being said, I would wear it to the places he said it was ok. Wear it but tone it down with some stockings with your mom.(have TH look at it and give thumbs up) Men being men his friends knew that TH would not be pleased with the comments(ok for some casual chick, not for wife) so I say go back and beat them up for cooking your goose:)

  32. Kenesha Says:

    Aliya, I too think you looked hot. I happened to do the reverse at my DH’s last reunion and I still regret it to this day. Since it was his reunion I asked him what he wanted me to wear and he picked out something that I would normally wear to work (an office job type of work). The reunion was held at a large bar and all the other females were wearing cute club type outfits (cute slinky shirts, designer jeans, stilletos, etc.) and I looked like I had to work on a weekend. I STILL REGRET IT. I never said anything about it, but I told myself never again. I seriously felt uncomfortable the whole night.

    As for whether you should follow TH’s wishes, I wouldn’t wear it to someplace without him since you wearing it with him gave him pause. Or I would try it on the way he suggested (not stockings….ewwww!) with complimentary tights and some hot shoes or boots and see how he feels about it.

  33. shay_d_lady Says:

    first off, LOVE your blog.. I read all the time but rarely post.

    Me and my husband share the same type of relationship as you and yours….
    with me being the hot headed emotional one, he being the cool, laid back even keel one.

    I think you should keep the jumper but I dont think you should wear it out with your moms when he is not there because it makes him uncomfortable.

    Not because its about being the boss or because he is deciding what you can and cannot wear but because he is your husband who loves you and it makes him a little uncomfortable….sometimes we lose sight of whats important in the heat of the “battle”….
    I can see if this is a trend him vetoing your clothes but I doubt it (however the veto power t hat husbands and wives have is like the presidents… you dont get that many and should be used sparringly )and if you are stepping up your game he is going to get use to the new classier, jazzier ,you and that outfit,without the shock, wont be that bad.
    I mean I can see your husband’s side..lol I mean that outfit alone is really hot and you are rocking it.. but compared to the nice, sedate wrap dress you were originally going to wear…its a far cry….LOL

  34. Miss Success Says:

    LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. This post. I was sooo into it! Lmao

    And I think there should be compromise.

  35. Anonymous Says:

    Girl, you know you were all the way wrong. Ain’t nobody on here going to validate this poor decision. I’m just keeping it 100. You ethered yourself with this whole post. Bringing the “backup” dress and using the “he didn’t ask me to see it, therefore I can get away with it” excuse should’ve told you right there.

    You said you wanted to give the impression that your husband had a catch. Did you ever stop to think that maybe your hubby’s friends might be impressed by your career achievements (published writer, soon-to-be-novelist) rather than a damn dress? Or the fact that you have a stable household and two employed people in 2009? I’m assuming this was a 20- or 25-year reunion, right? That ain’t the age for a “look at me now” type of revelation. Five-year reunion, I can see that.

    Agreed with above comments that this outfit is hot for a club or a party. Hell, even the cardigan set it off with just the right amount of sexy. But this wasn’t YOUR high school reunion either, bb. This was your man’s time to shine (if he wanted to…I have no idea what HIS intentions were at this event since it seems to be more about you and YOUR intentions) and you effectively ruined that.

  36. spamwarrior Says:

    Man, aren’t anonymous comments really harsh. Geez… it’s not that bad!!

    Anyway, I wanted to say you look hot. And you have an awesome husband.

  37. la negrita Says:

    Whoa whoa whoa…lots of long-winded comments. You have a scorcher here Aliya! I’ll have to go back and read them so forgive me if what I’m about to say has already been said.

    #1: The outfit looked great. Though you showed a lot of skin, it was tasteful and I didn’t feel it was “too much” as a standalone. For the reunion? Yeah, depending on the overall atmosphere.

    #2: Never been married and I’m not one to defer to others unless I’m feeling insecure about something, but I think the important question here is why TH felt uncomfortable. Because it’s really not about you. It’s about him.

  38. Nanj Says:

    You looked hot in the romper but I do think that it is inappropriate. Think about it like this your somebodys mother and while you still have the right to be sexy there are other ways to do so and tog said that you were naked so that says it all right there. Imagine if your mother wore an outfit like that I think you would definately give her the side eye. My mom is 42 and that’s not old (and she has a great body) but I’m 21 and if she wore that romper out with me anywhere I would ask her what is she wearing and so would my dad. While a man may appreciate the fact that other men may find their woman attractive they don’t want the goodies on display for other guys to see so TH has a point in wanting you to get rid of it.

  39. mizChartreuse Says:

    No. No tone down. Rock it. I tweeted at you how fabulous you looked. WORK IT. Not many 36-year-old mothers have that ability.

  40. Nanj Says:

    You looked hot in the romper but I do think that it is inappropriate. Think about it like this your somebodys mother and while you still have the right to be sexy there are other ways to do so and tog said that you were naked so that says it all right there. Imagine if your mother wore an outfit like that I think you would definately give her the side eye. My mom is 42 and that’s not old (and she has a great body) but I’m 21 and if she wore that romper out with me anywhere I would ask her what is she wearing and so would my dad. While a man may appreciate the fact that other men may find their woman attractive they don’t want the goodies on display for other guys to see so TH has a point in wanting you to get rid of it. If you asked TH not to wear something that you felt was inappropriate you would want him to honor your wishes and as long as this in not a pattern of him giving a veto of your outfits then you should respect his wishes and wear it for the right occasion.

  41. Taurusdragonfly Says:

    Adults dress themselves; even married folks deserve that right. Apologize for choosing a less than appropriate moment to bring sexy back. It was his night, his reunion, his reflection. You felt it, but saw your [fly] self in the mirror and the outfit took over. It happens. Especially when you are the kind of woman who doesn’t bring it everyday. Keep the outfit; it fits and you love it. ‘Nuff said. You will find the right opportunity to rock it again and he will be fine with it. Unless of course you talked yourself into a corner with the whole blog thing.

  42. legitimate_soul Says:

    Disclaimer: I am a single, unmarried woman

    You looked fabulous! I also very, very much get you wanting to surpass your usual flyness and represent at the reunion. However, let TH have this one. From your own account, the SL, TH, your child, and even you in the store felt a certain way when you had the jumper on. Although you looked great, it wasn’t the best outfit for the reunion. It wasn’t the best outfit in 30 degree weather. I also don’t think it’s the best outfit for a holiday party. It would be a hot outfit for summer evenings with the hubby. If hubby is pretty laid back otherwise and he turned off the tv, gave you his full attention and respectfully told you how he felt, let it go. If by your own admission, you are “usually the boss of him” and a drill sergeant on other things and barking out orders, why can’t you honor this request of him? That in no way makes him the boss of you or takes away any of your power, independence, intelligence, freedom of choice, etc. None of that is traded in or betrayed by honoring TH wishes on this one issue. Plus, why so attached to the jumper? It wasn’t your first choice of store or outfit. You thought jumpers looked like a onesie:) So, why make this jumper outfit have more meaning or power than it should? Best to you both! :)

  43. KonataJ Says:

    I applaud both of you for handling the situation in a mature fashion and I’m glad you made it a point to emphasize that is how your marital issues are handled. I wish more couples young & old did the same.

    I am a single male early 30s and personally speaking I’d have to agree with your husband. Outfit was dope no doubt, but I got the vibe it was a little “too fly” for a high school reunion. Call it a curse for you looking good… I know sucks for you but it is what it is…

    It was his reunion and judging by his comments about your everyday clothing he loves, appreciates and compliments they way you are on a regular basis. I know a lot of women wish they had a mate that made the same effort. The brother obviously is aware of your beauty and knows other people see it as well. Sounds like he just wants to keep it at a respectable level for all parties involved. My opinion is to save that outfit for a night on the town or weekend getaway.

    In the meantime, lets keep the feminist independent movement out of this one and keep the peace & overall happiness and trust intact… Continued blessings
    Peace

  44. RK Says:

    do what the man (TH) says. it’ll make things simpler and nobody gets hurt.

  45. Amadeo Says:

    Mike said it best. If men were less civil then on average a man out with his wife, girlfriend or random date would throat chop 3 – 4 men. We know where you stand (normally) but we also know men, we’ve been friends with them and been around them all our lives we know how they think and what they say. The most decent man around knows a guy so cruddy he won’t openly acknowledge any association with him. That said: no rational man wants other men looking at the woman he’s with through his lust glasses. Which they will do no matter what you’re wearing. Since it wouldn’t be acceptable to throat chop so many people we have to do what we can on our end of things.

  46. Miss Dimples Says:

    I’m not married and don’t have kids, but I’m in a 3 yr relationship and can understand both sides. TH stated why he didn’t want you wearing it after the fact – lesson learned. You obviously liked your jumper and he seems to not dislike it, he just dislikes the attention it brings. Find the compromise that works for both of you (I would say no to stockings, yes to fashionable tights) – how to dress it down but still be hot. Ask Lil Miss Brown or Claire for input. I wouldn’t wear it without TH around, that’s for sure, simply because he’s made his wishes known and to completely disregard them is, well, disrespectful.

  47. Taiia Says:

    I have been in this situation and not over something as sexy as this va va va voom romper. The item in question was a pair of (scandalous) shorts and we were on vacation. I wore ’em, we’re still married, and the rule is I only wear them with him. Agreed.

    First, you look hella hot in that outfit. Second, it was a reunion, BUT what were the other women wearing? Did you feel out of place? i.e. overdressed? Was it at lounge? A club? As women, we tend to kick it up a notch and flash some skin here and there. Shoot, in sub zero temps we bare our legs to look cute at the club.

    I understand your hubby’s point, HOWEVER you should be able to keep the outfit, provided that you ONLY wear it with him for an “appropriate” occasion. So, no rockin’ it @ the Xmas party is not gonna work. That will cause more problems. Keep your happy home.
    Wear it for TH behind closed doors. *Wink, wink*

    What you did was the ultimate confidence booster/reminder that yes, you are a writer, wife and mom–but also a HOTTIE when the time calls for it. And you looked CLASSY not TRASHY, which is also key in this age of bare all.

    And kids says the craziest things, my son tells me to cover up when I’m in a bathing suit. You can’t win.

  48. Sandy Says:

    You looked great! However, you can still look classy/sexy with the cover up, high heel or the wide leg pants as someone suggested. I would not wear it without him on my arm, for one simple reason… You asked, and he answered. It is awesome that a young married couple had a discussion about this and not a fight!

    BTW you can still be independent and respect his opinion. He is not the boss of you, just your partner for life!

  49. cj Says:

    I’m just tickled that you posted a baby onesie. You’re hilarious. You did ask. But men never really grow all the way up. Even when they’re wonderful. My hubby is simply splendid, but throws silent temper tantrums filled with frowns, hushed sighs and weird looks from the corners of his eyes. I skinny jeans and a tank top to his friend’s superbowl party and I got the silent treatment for a few hours until I figured out what happened. Then he said, “Mario kept looking at your butt because of those jeans. You know how how he is. I don’t know why you’d where that.” It ended with me giving the jeans in question to one of my students. He was satisfied.

  50. cj Says:

    forgive the misspellings and other grammatical errors above. Blame the baby.

  51. Mike (again) Says:

    ^^^^^ @ CJ
    Come on…
    …”men never really grow all the way up. Even when they’re wonderful…”

    That’s an overstatement…and in my humble opinion…it can also be said about humans, in general. Aren’t we all on constantly developing.

    I think one of the main problems with relationships/marriages in America, is our incessant need to dichotemize men and women; to say Men are from Venus and Women are from Mars. It allows us to not focus on ourselves and to jokingly dismiss “issues” as “that’s just the way men/women are.”

    We have to stop that…This is not just directed at CJ, but many of the comments. Let’s focus on what we (men/women, husbands/wives) share, and not on how we were socialized to be different. For relationships to work, that HAS to be the answer.

  52. Jamaal Says:

    My comment from another site, where this was originally shared with me:

    The attire must fit the ocassion. While I don’t think he had the right to tell her to “take it
    back” (well maybe he did, as she has the right whether or not to
    listen), I think if she knew there would be a questionable response to
    what she had on then she should’ve discussed it up front and said
    something. I wouldnt have had a problem with it cuz I like my wife in
    sexy attire, I want her to turn a few heads. I also want her to be
    classy and feel sexy. If that makes her feel sexy, then part of me
    thinks her husband needs to be comfortable with that.

    As a person that’s been in sales, I’ve learned that prefacing is key.
    Telling someone what’s about to happen before it happens makes them
    feel alot more comfortable vs. a surprise. Even if he disagreed he
    could’ve told her and they could’ve at least talked about it. She
    could’ve taken her husband’s feelings into consideration a little
    more. If she’s never wore anything like this, then it’s bound to be
    shocking.

    After seeing the outfit she looks like she was heading more to the
    club with her girls vs. a class reunion, which may or may not be fine.

  53. Michael Says:

    “No one should tell another what to, or what not to wear. He’s free to sit down and discuss why he doesn’t like something but he has no right to tell you what you can and can’t wear. He’s not your father. He’s your husband.”

    Ding.

    Disclaimer: I’m a same sexer so I have no wife, no children, but yet, I still see no big deal about what you wore. His opinion should obviously matter, but to have the final say, uh, no. Even Wilma didn’t let Fred have [that] much say.

    By the way, you looked amazing.

  54. cj Says:

    good point mike.

  55. KinkyWindyPeach Says:

    I think the outfit is cute, you looked good girl :) I wore something similar to the Beyonce Conert this year..(Getting My Sasha Fierce On!!) I understood you wanted to look HOT. However, I think the basis of the outfit stemmed from he dated lots a pretty girls in high school, and that situation maybe left you not feeling so secure (in that shopping moment). You wanted to be eye candy on his arm!! Basically, you wanted to leave his classmates with the feeling he pulled a hot one!!

    A Printed Stocking and a Closed Toe Heel will definitely bring it down a notch, Ive done that as well with shorts in the winter.., try it out and see if he digs it, if not let it go, it’s not worth a dispute with TH in the future, life is too short!!

  56. Eyeglasses & Endzones Says:

    I hopped over from Wifey’s site today and of course I am ready to chime in on this one.

    I agree whole heartedly with Wifey. You are in a partnership and just as you probably would not approve of a SPEEDO for him, he is entitled to his opinion. I also have come to learn this: Men’s first and foremost in a marriage is RESPECT and if they feel that their respect is being compromised, they do not handle it well.

    I personally think that you looked amazing in your jumper..it is totally in style and you were working it!! ;)

    So- No he is not the boss of you, but since you both have mutual respect for each other, I would let him know that you will “SAVE YOUR HOTNESS” for a night out with the girls in that outfit!!! LOL ;)

    Good luck- Can’t wait to hear how it turns out….

    PS…I think it is the BIGGEST compliment that your husband said your outfit was nice when you thought you were in sweats…some men LOVE to see their women in DAILY LIFE and he was just admiring ANOTHER part of your beauty!!!!

  57. Jen @ After The Alter Says:

    Ok first off let me start by saying you looked GREAT in the jumper. I actually think I’d like to buy it! :) But on to the main question…I am a very Strong woman..I have alot of opinions and do as I please..I normally am in charge of dressing my husband. My husband actually prefers me to wear sexy clothes. lol Normally he wants me to wear less and I want to wear more…but again that’s besides the point..here is how I see it. If the event is something for my husband..such as a work event, or his reunion or something with his family I always honor and ask his opinion. I feel that how I look reflects on him..just as when it comes to somethng for me, I like to have a say in what he’s wearing..would I want him too casual or sloppy for a formal event?? No because that reflects on me. I guess my long winded comment is saying that I don’t think you are less of a strong independent woman if you ask your husband if what you are wearing is ok:)

  58. ParlinMom Says:

    WOW!!! I love this post…you looked amazing in that jumper. Keep it and wear it if you have an event in your home.

    When the hubs and I first meet we went to a wedding of a good friend of his and I wore a little, did I say little mini dress that showed a lot of leg and since it was in summer, I was bare on the legs and shoulders (it was strapless). He loved the dress and a few comments from his click of boys were like sealing the deal. After we got married, we went to a holiday party that the same friend of his gave and I wore another little mini dress but his lip was poked put by the time we got there and on the ride home I asked what was the issue and he told me that I was TOO SEXY for my dress…WTH…this is similar to what I wore to his wedding and it was fine then. Now we are married and you are attracting too much attention…I knew that was a no win conversation so I let it go and on to my sister did that dress go.

    Prior to that I never paid any attention to what he thought about what I wore but that day sealed it for me and now I get his thoughts on what I wear when we go out together (when I go out by myself, its jeans and heals).

    I think you should get TH thoughts and be honest with him if you have another option for him to consider. I think he may have been embarrassed by the comments from his school buddies….

  59. Christie - The ChatterBox Says:

    Oh the dissertation I could write on this! I was reading this and thinking “Is this her or me?” Seriously, I could go into long painful detail about the countless times I have had discussions like this but mine was that I wasn’t dressing hot enough…therefore being an embarrassment. Buuuuuuut…let me go out looking hot…see where I’m going? There will forever be a double standard and we will never escape it…period! But I do think that our husbands need to make a decision…either you want us to look hot or you don’t and you cannot dictate when and where we look hot. I agree that we ladies have to take our marriage into consideration but that is more in our actions and less with our clothes (to an extent). Knowing you are happily married, you will not go overboard with your sexy attire. We cannot help it if someone finds us attractive and we could be wearing a housecoat! I could go on and on… I should do a show on this! Wanna be my guest?? (I was sent here by my girl @AskWifey – glad I stopped by)

  60. jovi Says:

    Sexy, hot but to skimpy for this cold weather.

    Men will always want to see someone else looking sexy rather than their partner, especially when they have heads turning like you did.

    I can image the hill boys talking behind TH’s back. Now everytime he goes home he is going to hear about it. OH WELL. Go sexy 36 year old.

  61. Daree Allen Says:

    What a fun (for me as a reader), detailed post. You have let us into your lives on a personal topic that has nothing to do with writing. You have a lot of guts to post all this information, with or without TH’s approval. Just look at all these comments! I want to be like you when I grow up (smile).

    Since TH is so laid back, let him have this one. I am divorced, and my EH (ex-husband) was insecure even if we went to the gym together. You can’t stop men from looking, but I agree with the positive posts– although you stepped out of your comfort zone and your look WAS fire, yield to a compromise, and wear the jumper when you’re out with him on a different occasion.

    P.S. – And ROTF at Tog’s comment, too! Kids are good for speaking their minds! ;)

  62. Chimere Says:

    I think you looked sexy and that was the goal, he’s probably gotten so comfortable with your everyday look that this had just taken him by surprise. I think you should keep the jumper def wear tights and wrap when you’re not with TH, if your going out with him for NYE this would be a great party outfit. Playing it safe is cool but when your 36 with a kid and look like that, kudos to you.

    P.S my fiancé only likes me to dress sexy when I’m with him, if I’m with the girls I def tone it down bcuz I don’t want unnecessary attention or greif from him about me trying to find some one else LOL.

  63. anonymous Says:

    ok, so I know I am like over a week late in responding to this.. I thought about whether or not too as to avoid any further assumptions or embarrassments.. then I show it to my husband and he INSISTED I post.
    We have had this very conversation and he as my TH continues to “suggest” items to be or not to be in my closet. I not only have been suggested to “cover my but”; but to wear long skirts and loose shirts with jackets on in the middle of the summer! I love my TH; saying it again, I love my TH. He would have me wear the muslim outfits if he had his way.
    What I do realize is that as others have posted is that he does not want any man lusting over me the way that he may like to look at me. If he was there that night… let’s say I may have been in the same boat. I have stood my ground over the years wanting to wear certain outfits and even “bring the girls out” as we say. Also having a two year old, and just now feeling “myself” again, I may want to wear something, well sexy from time to time. I don’t want my TH to be stuck in a madonna syndrome and I don’t want to be that wife! Our middle ground comes to respecting him as I committed to when we married. I make choices on what is more important, my need to feel “sexy” or his respect and comfort when we walk out the door. I too, have the “traditional” everyday outfit I wear that he th

  64. anonymous Says:

    sorry, got cut off… so he thinks my everyday wear is just as sexy……
    so my point in all of this is…. we respect each others happiness whether its in what we wear or how we speak to each other…..
    Marriage is work and a continued practice of how we treat each other..unconditional love… hmmmm

    and PS…for the record.. you did look supermodel hot…

  65. Anonymous Says:

    I have just finished reading this post. I want to say first that the jumper is hot. You said that you are grown. I don’t think this is an issue of being “grown”, but rather one of a power struggle. Yes you are a grown woman and can make your own decisions, but the scenario changes a bit once you’re married. It’s about respecting the other’s opinions and ideas, etc. The fact that you brought another outfit “just in case” says that you knew he wouldn’t be comfortable with what you were wearing. Just stop for a moment and think about how you would feel if you felt strongly about something and you let your husband know it, but he stills go and make a certain move or decision without you, you would not be happy about that. Just food for thought.

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