After September 11, there was this weird time period where you didn’t speak to anyone in the tri-state area without asking them, are you okay? Is your family all accounted for? I remember getting back to work relatively quickly after the tragedy. But there was this unspoken rule that you had to address it before getting to the business of business.
That’s kind of how I feel right now about The Obamas. I’m a critic, by nature and by profession. It’s my job to chin-stroke and watch what’s going on in pop culture and report on it.
So when can I keep it real on The Obamas? When can I break fool and tell y’all the randomness that goes through my mind when I see the First Family in the media?
The inauguration was a few days ago. I watched with glassy eyes, clutching TheOtherGirl as she cheered, “Yay, ‘Bama!” everytime she saw the president on the screen.
I felt hopeful. I felt helpful. I felt invigorated. I felt changed.
And now. Well, now can I have the all-clear to keep it real?
Thanks.
Here are the Top 10 things that run through my mind when I see The Obama family:
10. Are Barack and Michelle doing It?
Damn right I'm hittin' this...
I never thought of George and Laura doing It in the White House. I can’t imagine them doing It at all. [shudder]. But the Bushes have twin daughters who are all grown up. It’s altogether possible that they are in the cuddle-only phase of their marriage. Something tells me they may even have separate bedrooms.
But Michelle and Barack? Well. Look at them. (Is his mouth open in that picture?!) They’re all young and virile. With young children. They’re doing It. Probably regularly. Maybe my mind is in the gutter. But every time I see them at an appearance together, I find myself thinking… Wonder if they’re having sex tonight? Did they do It the night of the inauguration? Don’t you kind of have to do it the first night you’re sleeping in the freaking White House? Or maybe they were so tired from the ten inauguration balls that they feel asleep in their formal wear… Or not. Hmmmm.
9. Is Michelle over it?
Barack. Put the cigarette out. Now.
On inauguration day, I watched her as they stood behind the barricade, watching the marching bands at the parade. And frankly, she looked pissed about something. And when the cameras showed them walking into The White House to change clothes for the balls, she was clearly annoyed. I don’t know what was running through her mind. But rumor has it, there was an ultra-exclusive after-after-after party at The White House after all the inauguration parties. I hear Michelle greeted the small crowd and then left after five minutes while Barack stayed and had Champagne. Is she over it already?
8. Speaking of being over it, what is Michelle going to do exactly?. The woman is a double Ivy graduate. Is she going to flip it like Jackie O and host parties and breathlessly narrate videos about the different rooms in the White House and who designed them?
God, I hope not. Will she take on a safe cause? Like Nancy Reagan and her Just Say No to drugs campaign. That would make me sad. Is she gonna go hard, Hilary Clinton-style on her own project? That won’t work well either. I want Michelle to have a job. I want to see her leaving the White House every day, dropping the girls off at Sidwell Friends and then dipping down the street to 1875 Pennsylvania Avenue for her high-powered job as a litigator at a white-shoe agency like WilmerHale. Or maybe she could even head up a non-profit. I know it’s unrealistic. But I don’t want Michelle to be a hostess. Malia and Sasha can host the state dinners. That Sasha can charm the pants off any ambassador.
7. Grandma Robinson, Michelle’s mom, will be moving in as well. What is she going to do all day in the White House? She came along to be there for the kids. But they’ll be in school all day. I’ll bet there will be a White House staffer assigned specifically to her. Does she play bid whist? Spades? Does she have to watch The Price is Right or Days of Our Lives? How is that all gonna work exactly? Grandmothers need cozy spots with slipcovered sofas to sit their grandchildren down between their legs and grease and plait their hair on Sunday evenings. Where will this take place in the White House? Also, I’ve never known a grandmother who didn’t play the Pick-It. Who will be the designated Pick-It pickerupper for Grandma?
6. Speaking of plaits and grease. When Obama was on the campaign trail, I noticed that the girls sported an array of braided hairstyles.In one picture, Malia’s braids are decidedly fuzzy.
I wonder if she's tenderheaded?
And there were other pictures that made me think…
happy to be nappy
I love love love knowing that TheGirl and TheOtherGirl will see two Black girls that look like them for the next four (eight?!) years. But at the inauguration…
Hmmmmm.
Their hair was quite swingy. Call me shallow. But I wanna know. Do The Girls have perms now? Will there be touchups in the White House?! Are they gonna have an in-house stylist who will warn them to stop scratching their scalps a day or two before they get a touch-up? I can’t even imagine…
7. You know it. I know it. We’re not supposed to say it out loud. So I’ll whisper it.
Can I get a loosie?
Barack’s still smoking. Isn’t he? Don’t shoot the messenger! Come on now, you know what it is! He just said recently that he quit but often has relapses. I suspect he’ll be relapsing all over the place. Hopefully Laura Bush has shown him where the vintage spittoons are located.
6. We haven’t seen much of Maya Soetoro-Ng, Barack’s half sister. How much of a role will she play in the White House? She’s got a Lisa Bonet vibe going on. Complicated good hair and a touchy-feely, native-American demeanor. Oh, and she’s a practicing Buddhist.
The problem with Maya is the way she pronounces her brother’s name. She says it with a hard CK at the end. She sounds like a German fighter pilot. Bah-RAK. I think they need to keep her at arms length. She doesn’t seem very Obama white-house-y.
5. What are they going to eat? I know they have a whole team of chefs. And I’ve heard that Barack has a sophisticated palate. They do organics. Lots of salmon and brown rice. But is Michelle going to get in the kitchen and cook, ever? What about Grandma? Is she going to make black eyed peas and rice on New Year’s Eve? I need to see the daily menu. Will it be weird if they served fried chicken? I’ll be if they do it’ll be called pheasant. Three items I bet will never be served in the white house. You know what they are, I don’t have to tell you.
Now, number four is a tough one. Just a warning. I often wonder….
4. Is Barack gonna cheat?
Yeah. I said it. I know we’re thinking every word that comes out of his mouth right now is close to Scripture. But he’s still a human with flaws. But he wouldn’t dare. Or would he? At first, I felt pretty confidant that even if Barack felt the urge to creep with a beret wearing intern, he’s got enough sense to know better. But there’s just one problem:
This is Barack’s right hand man. Reggie Love is the cell-phone holder, the secret-keeper, the consigliere, the ace-boon, the point person. When Rahm Emmanuel needs to know where Obama is, he’ll be texting Reggie. When Michelle wants to know where Obama is, she’ll be texting Reggie.
Now, Reggie is 27. And he is as fine as May wine. And there’s a twinkle in his eye that worries me. I can see him now up in the club, talking about, yo my man wants to holla at you….Obama—don’t let this young boy get you in trouble. Cause if you get caught…
3. Will the Obamas fight in the White House? I can’t go two hours without cursing out TheHusband. How does that go down in the private quarters. Will the Secret Service hear them fighting? And how do they fight? I see Michele, in full neck tilt. While Barack sits back in his chair, squinting and dragging on a Newport, silent and relaxed.
“You don’t have anything to say?”
“I’m waiting for you to finish.”
“I’m finished.”
“Cool.”
“So what do you have to say?”
“Nothing.”
Can’t you just see it? Is Michelle the type to really test her man? I’ve been known to get RIGHTUP in a dude’s face, way more raw than I needed to be. And I’ve gotten mushed in the face as a result. Is Barack the face-smushing type? I hope not. But man would I love to see the first White House brawl between those two! Which leads me to the number one question I have about the Obamas…
1.If they do get it really poppin’. I mean, real deal yelling and screaming, how deep will it go? You know what I’m asking. Will either of them ever ever ever use the n-word. Now, I’m going to be brutally honest here. I’ve eradicated the word from my vocabulary. TheGirl doesn’t say it—ever. TheHusband says it rarely and usually when he’s on the phone with his boys. I just completed a novel and during the re-write, I took out the word nigga wherever a character used it. Even though the novel is firmly set in the urban world, taking out the word nigga didn’t affect the dialogue at all. Actually made me work harder to convey what I wanted to say about each character. But the fact remains, sometimes, when the dishes are piled up to the ceiling and every sweatshirt TheHusband owns is piled on the banister and every pair of jeans he owns is in a Jenga pile on the radiator, I find myself shaking my head, muttering under my breath and saying, in a very small voice: dis nigga.
Will that ever come out of Michelle’s mouth? Will it ever come out of her head as a thought bubble? Time will tell. It should all be very interesting.
Now don’t flame me to bits for saying how I feel about the First Family. I’m sure they’ll be great and wonderful and classy and all of that. But still, they’re folk. And we know how folk can do. I’ll be glued to the screen.
How do you think The Obamas will bring the Black experience to the world? In what large or small ways do you think a Black presidency will trickle down and affect us all? What will non-Blacks learn about Black folks in the next few years? I’d love to hear your thoughts on my Top 10. If you’re feeling frisky, leave your own 10 questions that cross your mind about the Obama family. The stuff you’d never say out loud or in mix company, though you think it either way. The best commenter on this post gets the ULTIMATE Obama gift.
You know it baby!! I ordered it. Just for my dear readers. And it’s all yours. To the winner, goes the spoils. Enjoy.
Yeah baby!! You know you want your commemorative plate! Don't front!
Aliya S. King 
January 23, 2009 at 5:53 am
hahahahahahahahahaha.
honey, there are some q’s here that have not occurred to me but most of them have.
the girls’ hair: malia wore twists on her first day to school and i was HOPING AGAINST HOPE there would be braids at the inauguration. of course not. but i expect that will be grandma’s job, and that there will be braids forthcoming. if they sent malia out with twists on the day she’ll be most photographed in her life (other than the inauguration), then they’re going to put some braids in one of these days, maybe soon. also, yes, i’m venturing to say that they have been permed. but haven’t past first families had perms too? something tells me that chemical smell wafted through the halls during amy carter’s teen years.
the doing it: well hello. they are totally doing it.
michelle going deep: come on, hasn’t she already made it clear as day that she is the general of that family? and this dovetails with over it. she’s been over it since he started running. hence the rules about smoking, the eye-rolling, the get over yourself, the yeah fine that speech was ok after he set the country in quivers. he’s no dummy. he’s got a team of rivals in the cabinet and he’s got an ass-kicking wife who isn’t having it at home. getting to her job, i think this is going to be a big part of her job: keeping the kids AND her man in line.
oh and grandma is totally playing bid whist. you had me on the floor with that one. she is also hair-braiding. (unless she has arthritis, in which case, she’s hair-braid-overseeing.)
but the question i’ve pondered the most is the question of fried chicken. there has probably never been a drop of kool-aid in obama home but what kind of idiot, especially one repping AMERICA, doesn’t have fried chicken? for fuck’s sake, that’s one of our country’s greatest contributions to global cuisine. they’re just going to have to pick the occasion carefully (some 4th of july picnic or something) and serve it a really precious “nouveau americana” context with saffron dusted something or other.
but one thing that’s impressed me with the obamas all along–see: stevie wonder campaign song, non-terrorist fist bumps–they’re pretty good about owning their blackness, while reminding you at every turn that they’re double-ivy and all the rest. i think their example of simply being comfortable to be educated black elites is going to do more for america’s perception of black culture and black diversity than anything else they do outwardly on black political issues. i mean, can we talk about joseph lowery again?
xoxoxo
January 23, 2009 at 11:05 am
You are crazy but I was thinking the same thing.
I don’t think they did it on inauguration day, they both were tired but Michelle made sure she got some nooky the next morning. She probably told B, that’s Barack’s pet name I guess, that you know how I like so don’t try and play like you tired and don’t make me have to schedule it.
Hair. Their hair probably gets fuzzy after one day of braids. We will probably see pony tails soon. Do they wear scarves at night? Do they have silk pillow cases?
Gmom. I think she will play cards, have tea, watch soaps all day and then get involved in some service project.
Maya. Did she miss the event? I think she will stay quiet for a while then emerge on DC wanting to ‘get involved’.
Food. Some type of chicken will be on the menu at least twice a week, probably not fried. Can’t wait for the summer Bar-B-Q bash. Hoping that ribs, fried fish, baked beans, potato salad, seafood salad, macaroni & cheese and collards make the menu, you know how we do.
No cheating. He is human but he loves himself some Michelle. You made me google Reggie Love. I needed to see a close up of fineness.
Fights. You had me cracking up. They will fight but Michelle will always win. She runs the house.
January 23, 2009 at 11:54 am
Ok as I stated on the Face girl you are so in my head. I have asked these questions and more. Now as for the Sex I personally feel they are and will be gettin it in. The White House will never be the same nor Air Force One for that matter. The question with the girls hair is one that came to me the other day because I am pro- Natural and with two females of my own to attend to I thought it was so cute they they got the same Fuzzies as my little shadow does. I hope they are just getting a press and Curl. Now the food I wonder a lot about because for some reason I just can’t really picture Michelle burning in the kitchen but maybe she can. Now the smokeing is now and will continue to be my throne. Becasue we all knwo our President has some serious smokers lips not like Bobby Brown the self aclaimed king of hip hop and R& B but he has the lips. So Let’s just hope he kicks the habit. And the jump off and the Future cheating I am hopeing for the best adn praying that nothing happens. Girl it is fine by me to ask these qestions and more it helps us remember he is and they are real people.
Personally I always wondered if someone was going to pop up with a video of Jena Bush in it doing some not so nice things while she was drunk . Just me and I also wondered if Bush kicked all of his old habits I will leave it at that.
January 23, 2009 at 3:25 pm
If they are having sex is not the question, but How? Did she give him that good ole presidential special?
Will they listen to the oldies but goodies on saturday morning?
Does he still have his black film classics in the stash, Shaft? The Mack? Do the right thing? Crooklyn? (your favorite).
Did the girls get the speech! ” What goes on in this house, stays in this house!?
Did he move his barber to DC yet? We can’t keep switching Barbers.
Does he have the urge to toke on something a greener than tabacco now and again?
And What I wouldn’t give to play spades In the Oval Office! Does he slap the cards down and talk trash? 3 and a possible.
January 23, 2009 at 3:53 pm
@alex: so true, they have been still rocking the braids. but I think perms have been slapped up in those heads. (perms are always slapped in). Amy Carter perm: totally different and you know it. Just the baggage is different, methinks. and I disagree, elites or not, Michelle Obama has had KoolAid in her life. The gritty kind with so much sugar you have to chew it. I’d bet money on it. Obama, maybe not. But Michelle. Yes. And Malia and Sasha too…
@jovi: nope, I think Barry, (I think that’s his pet name), will win the fights. Simply because he’s unflappable. Did you see home on election night? He barely smiled. Can you imagine arguing with him? Michelle will win, yes. But only because Barack can’t be bothered to fight back.
@margaret: he SO has the smoker’s lips. Ha. But the press and curl? I don’t think so. Look at the picture again. You know what a press and curl looks like. And that ain’t it.
@Hanif: a presidential special!! Oh my! And I don’t see Obama playing spades for some reason. I see him playing a long, quiet game of chess with Reggie Love… over a blunt…
January 23, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Michelle has been pumping her fist for normalcy for her two girls since day one. While I don’t think there is anything NORMAL about living in the White House, I’m sure that at some point, Michelle and/or First Grandma will be up in that kitchen with a plastic bag of flour, shacking some chicken wings inside of it. Come on; don’t tell me you can’t see Michelle up in that kitchen cooking.
As for the hair: Um, would you have been at your father’s presidential inauguration with corn rolls up in ya head? I think not!
January 23, 2009 at 5:12 pm
I’m with Alexandra. Although I don’t consider myself a nappy extremist, I have very strong views on the girls and their hair. I am natural, but I didn’t start wearing my hair natural due to some “Black Pride” statement. I did it because it was convenient for me at the time. I then began to realize that my hair is healthier this way and I stuck with it. I don’t try to convert women with perms, but if asked, I WILL praise the benefits of wearing the nappy.
But…err…uuummm…I digress.
I cringe when I see the girls’ hair straightened for “special” events. I think it sends a horrible message–the one that has beat (permed??) into our heads for years: the nappy ain’t good enough. That your hair needs to be straight to be pretty. There are a lot of natural styles that could have been worn for this historic day. We aren’t limited to cornrows. And even if we were–so what? Take pride in it.
Wouldn’t be surprised if they started relaxing the girls hair. Disheartened? Absolutely.
January 23, 2009 at 6:48 pm
I used cornrolls as an example simply because that’s what the oldest Obama daughter was rocking in the photo.
As for hair in general, maybe I just don’t get it ’cause I’m a dude. “Cut it down low and line me up,” is what I say to my barber and I’m out the door in 15 minutes. I just feel like people read too much into how African-American women wear their hair.
If it’s permed, she’s too Americanized. If it’s natural, she must be pro-black. Eh. Too much. Maybe the Obama daughters simply went to their mom and asked to have their hair styled a certain way for the big day and she said okay. Couldn’t it just be that simple?
January 23, 2009 at 8:24 pm
To the food question, this doesn’t answer it but is interesting nonetheless. Presidents have to pay for their own food and it can get expensive:
http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/21928
January 23, 2009 at 8:46 pm
@Del: what’s wrong with cornrows at an inauguration? And no, nothing about a woman’s hair is ever simple. Believe me, there were discussions about how the girl’s hair would be styled. And it went higher than Michele and her mother.
Hair=Politics. If Michele stops perming her hair, there are repercussions. If she lets it grow too long, there will be criticisms. If she cuts it too short, ask Hilary Clinton and Keri Russel what can happen.
A woman’s hair is extremely important if she’s a public figure. White or Black. Sad but true. Many celebrities with endorsements have to sign contracts that they will keep their hair at XYZ inches long. Before Rosie O’Donnell got her spot on The View, she had to promise to kill the mullet. And Rachel Maddow has it in her contract that she can’t wear her geek glasses, has to wear makeup and style her hair a certain way.
January 23, 2009 at 8:49 pm
@la negrita: I can’t say I cringe when I see their hair straightened. I think I just sigh. If it’s a press and curl, it’s all good, in my opinion. I have no problem with that. It’s the permanency, if you will, of a perm, that would bother me…
I have natural hair too. And have for many many years. But you would never know it if you saw me. For a while now, I’ve been blowing it straight. Because I like it. I’ll even throw a track or two in it if I feel like it. And then, I do cornbraids in the summer. And maybe go back to blowing it out. It’s whatever. But I must admit, I hope the girls still have that option to be happy to be nappy.
January 23, 2009 at 8:53 pm
@Clove: WOW. That’s bananas!!! Thank you for that. This give me so many questions. Is the menu public information? Can they cook for themselves? What if they put hog maws and chitlins on the menu?
January 24, 2009 at 10:36 am
@Anonymous: absolutely an amy carter perm is different from an obama girls perm. i disagree with sigmund freud’s hairstylist here. a perm is never just a perm when it’s black hair and white hair. aliya is of course right: hair = politics, and while of course it’s true for hillary and felicity, i think what you’re getting at is that it’s a whole ‘nother ball game when it’s black hair. agreed. that said, there are all kinds of domestic silly things that go on in the white house. i mean, who ran out to get jenna/barbara/chelsea/patti/trisha’s tampons in the middle of the night when they slipped up because they weren’t used to getting their periods? (actually, who’s going to get MINE?) does the white house have an emergency stash? do the girls tell someone what their brand is and then they keep it on hand? does michelle have to pretend to be running out to get some when she’s actually discharged the First Tampons to someone else to get? how does she cover that up with the girls? and omg, just bask in it: malia and god willing sasha too (two terms, people) will be getting their first period in the god damned white house. for once i actually care.
um. i digress.
aliya’s post got us all tripping on all the signifiers of blackness in a context we’ve never seen it in before. and it’s definitely something we’re ALL thinking about. which is why i love the obamas so much because they’re completely aware of the effect of everything they do (hello, were we paying attention to that almost-flawless campaign?) but they don’t give off a vibe of OK YOU GUYS WE’RE TOTALLY THINKING ABOUT THIS. they seem to just roll with it. and that’s what i mean by them doing a lot of good just with that attitude alone.
we have a cool First Family, kids. it’s true, aliya. it’s so weird.
January 24, 2009 at 10:37 am
p.s. i think the girls got a perm because their hair didn’t have that roller-brush lift at the roots that a mere blow-out would have. but we’ll see what happens on ensuing days. if it turns out not to be a perm then that was a BRUTAL fucking hair stylist who blew them out. ouch.
January 24, 2009 at 11:51 am
Alexandra, not sure where you’re from but in Chicago, lots of Black women get their hair blown out by Egyptians (they’re our answer to NYC’s Dominicans). They can work some magic!! I agree with you though. It looked relaxed to me. The sheen was just…different. Will check back here with new developments.
Stay tuned folks!
January 24, 2009 at 12:08 pm
@Alex: for some reason, this comment of yours really struck me:
“does michelle have to pretend to be running out to get some when she’s actually discharged the First Tampons to someone else to get?”
It makes me sad to think that Michelle won’t be able to jump in the car and take Malia and Sasha on Saturday morning errands. I know their lives will be charmed in many ways. But my relationship to my mother, (and thus, my relationship to my girls), is so intrinsically related to the mundane exercises of a Saturday night. Y’know? Who will get the tampons? Where will they take a walk, undeterred? Sigh.
as for the blow-out, they may have gotten a mega blow-out. I get one from a Black-owned and operated salon in Livingston. My hair is very swingy after their done. But really, if I get it blown out too much, my hair is not coarse and curly for a while after.
January 24, 2009 at 5:53 pm
Fucking hilarious post. LMFAO ROTFL @ Reggie Love up in the club, like “yo, my mans n dem Obama tryna get at you…”
January 24, 2009 at 8:21 pm
I hope the girls just got a blow out too. I have no kids, but I’ve already decided that I will not perm a little girl’s hair. Aliya–What’s the name of the salon you go to in Livingston? My hair is natural too–since ’98.
And am I crazy, or is #2 missing from your top 10 list?
My question: will there be a kinara for Kwanzaa in the White House this year? Does the family even celebrate it?
January 24, 2009 at 8:34 pm
@katura: I go to Shades Hair Studio in Livingston. It’s on E. Mount Pleasant Avenue and I can’t say enough good things about it. Lynn is my stylist but I recommend all the stylists. They will give you a crazy blow out or do beautiful two-strand twists. And they take good care of your hair. Two things:
1. Beware the blow-outs. They can be addictive. After a while, your hair will get straighter and straighter. I have a hard time getting my hair to kink up now.
2. They are expensive.
Re: And yes, a number is missing. Lol. I write these posts late at night, forgive me.
January 25, 2009 at 9:22 am
Yes, I think there will definitely be some “doin’ it” going on in the WH.
So you also noticed there was some tension with Barack and Michelle after the Inauguration? I saw it as they were entering the luncheon (I kinda deduced Barack was upset because it looked like Sasha was having a play-date at the ceremony….she was chattin’ it up!)
There is one main reason why I think Barack would not fool around while he is in office (at least the first 6 years), he is too concerned about his place in history. He has a huge ego (which I love) and he seems to have challenged himself to be the best President this country has ever seen…and he will do everything in his power to make that happen.
January 25, 2009 at 12:54 pm
@Chocolate Chiq: YES. They were going into the luncheon! I was mistaken in my post. That was exactly where I saw it. I wish I could get a screen grab of her face. She was TIGHT. Glad I’m not the only one who noticed. And yes, Sasha is…special. So spirited. Can’t hold her down!
as for Barack’s ego. I agree. It could keep his penis in his pants. But alas, Chocolate Chiq, ALL presidents have egos. You need one in order to win. And they all are concerned about their places in history. (Can you say JFK? Bill Clinton?) And yet, sometimes, the ego can spill over. Your judgment can get clouded. (Hello. Spitzer?) And then there’s that damn Reggie Love. Love for heaven’s sake. that’s his last name. Hmph.
January 25, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Since Barack is now the most wanted married man by every woman in the land, will Michelle have moments of insecurity when beautiful young women are around? I mean, I know he was wanted before, but being President of the U.S. takes it to a whole other level. Does she give chicks that, “Watch yourself, bitch!” look?
Does Barack get a “real” time alone from everyone? Cause if he doesnt cheat he’s gonna need a pretty extensive porn stash. Four years with the same ass you had for years and now your under a zillion eyes. The man is gonna need some jerk off time. Yeah, I said it!!!Michelle got a little fatty but that shit gotta be old to him by now. Its either cheat or jerk. (blog that, Aliya!)
They’re young so they gotta have an active sex life. Neither one of them can walk into a sex shop. So who gets the kinky shit for them?
Look! I like fried chicken. In fact I love it. Say somethin! What if Malia and Sasha like it just as much as me? Will they get in trouble if they always ask for it or request it alot?
Can Malia put up pictures of T.I. and 50 cent on her bedroom wall if she wanted to?
Will Barack and Michelle make sure that enough little Black kids are at the school they attend so that they dont wind up just dating white guys when they get older, because that’s all they know?
They obviously cant go to family reunions and 4th of July cookouts with the family at the park or in someones backyard anymore. Of course they cant cookout at the white house. But even if they have a beach house or summer home, will they invite the “real family members” ie: Uncle Roscoe and Auntie Bertha to their cookouts with all the other “white house people” around?
Did Michelle bring her own beautician and Barck his barber to the white house and fire the old ones? Cause the people thats been doing it before now cant hang with the new challenge.
What will Reggie Love’s real job description be after a year? Basketball warmer upper? I mean they have people to be his right hand man already. In fact they have 10 or more.
Where will all the gifts Malia and Sasha get go? Every dignitary, ambassador, politician, friend, organization, etc… will give a gift to them anytime they come to see the Obamas. Forget about Christmas. They all know that giving them a gift will put them in good favor. Is there a limit? Does he tell people not to. Is there Just a room for nothing but fuckin toys?!!! They’re gonna be like Ricky Schroeder in Silver Spoons.
Will all the fame go to the girls heads and they grow up to be bitches? I mean thats a lot of noteriety at a young age. How can a parent teach you humility at that young an age when the world is at their fingertips? Seriously!
Gimmie my plate, Aliya! I will hunt you down for it and sneak in a visit with TheGirl, if she didnt move out yet. Actually, just donate my plate to the highest bidder. Let the funds go to my new Barack T shirt campaign. I’ll keep you posted.
Holla!!!
January 25, 2009 at 9:22 pm
@awww, Paul: You gave Alex a run for that plate. You totally MIGHT have won. You just had me cracking up over here. Out loud.
January 26, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Aliya,
You need to get outta my head…I DEFINITELY think about the sex question…ALOT! Here’s another question…Do they clean up after themselves when they have sex? Will the White House private staff know when they see the wet spot on the bed that the First Couple got their groove on last night? I wonder…
January 26, 2009 at 8:41 pm
@Portia: You have me clutching my pearls with my mouth wide open. No you did NOT just SAY that. I can’t think about The First Couple and a wet spot!! I can’t! I can’t!
January 27, 2009 at 12:48 am
:)
I knew you’d enjoy that.
January 27, 2009 at 1:19 pm
OK, you know how when you make collard greens and you store the leftovers in the fridge for a few days and after a while when you open the fridge door you get that, “uh, uh, something does not smell right in here?” So my question is, will they have collards (or cabbage) and will the leftovers always go in the trash (wrapped in 10 plastic bags)?
January 27, 2009 at 1:22 pm
@mamajanna: first of all, mamajanna, the above off-color response was PORTIA CHINNERY. Can you believe she would write such things on my nice, clean blog?!?!
anyway. collard greens don’t need “a few days” to smell not right. they smell not right on the FIRST day.
There will be no collard greens in the White House. I’ll bet money.
January 27, 2009 at 1:32 pm
MamaJanna….This chile (Aliya Sh… King) has lost it! She has resorted to making statements and then attaching my good name to it! How’d you do that anyway Aliya?
@Aliya: There will be collards at the white house except they will be called mustard greens with an apple orange aioli chutney (to cut the smell of course) and the greens won’t be made in the The White House Kitchen. There will be a special kitchen off premises for making collards, pig feet, New Years Eve Chitlin’s and such. I’d bet money on it.
January 27, 2009 at 1:34 pm
@ Portia: I am CRACKING UP in my office right now. So, seriously. Out loud laughing at aioli chutney.
AND I WISH YOU WOULD GET OUT OF MY HEAD.
Because I totally think there is gonna be an off-premise kitchen for certain items. I swear I’ve thought that.
I also think the Obamas are gonna get it on in hotels. Not so much at The White House.
January 27, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Last year we had a visitor on our campus and the university president prepared the menu for the luncheon. You can imagine my horror when the soup turned out to be juice from turnip greens! He called it a special southern delicacy (he’s a yankee!), but it was just “pot likka.” All we needed was some corn bread to sop it up with. I rolled!