Be My Guest: Kim “Soulfull” Woods

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Watch it, sucka!

Watch it, sucka!

When I asked Kim for some guest blog ideas, she sent me several. And they were all awesome. But the Angry Black Woman Syndrome particularly caught my eye. There’s long been a stereotype, (based in truth?) that Black women are more difficult than others. Is this fact? Fiction? Somewhere in between? Kim thought she was on one side of the debate. Her husband thought differently.

Good stuff here. Check it:

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I’m Not An Angry Black Woman. Am I?

By Kimberly Woods

“So, what’s on tonight?” my husband asked, as we settled down to watch a movie together.

“Some crazy movie I borrowed from a friend,” I said with a laugh. It’s called Diary of a Tired Black Man.

“Sounds interesting.”

“I guess, but it’ll probably be silly…”

For the next hour, I cuddled with hubby and learned all about these women suffering from ABS – Angry Black Woman Syndrome. Tim Alexander, the writer/director of the film, says that women who “grow up in fatherless homes, hearing their aunts and grandmothers saying black men are no good and hearing that opinion reinforced in the media, grow up to be angry adult women.”

Just as I suspected – ABS was for those ‘other’ women. My life wasn’t anything like that.

I grew up in a somewhat normal household with both of my parents. My female relatives weren’t black men bashers and I make it a point to show husband my appreciation as often as I can.

I found no connection with that movie or Angry Black Woman Syndrome whatsoever. In fact, I ended up falling asleep in the middle of the movie. The next morning, my husband stuck his face into the doorway of my home office.

“You need to make time today to watch the rest of that movie,” he said.

“Excuse me?”

“Finish it.”

And with that, he went back downstairs.

I chuckled, and called out after him, “Sure, I’ll watch it.”

Later, I watched the entire movie. It did nothing for me. Still didn’t see myself in the caricatures of Black women with hands on their hips and swiveling necks.

But was my husband trying to tell me something?

I walked to the kitchen and smiled sweetly. My husband was washing the dinner dishes.

“Baby, do you think I have Angry Black Woman Syndrome?” I asked.

He didn’t even hesitate: “Yeah.”

The way he answered so quickly indicated that I should’ve known this already.

“For real,” I said. “You think I have ABS?”

My husband looked up from the dishes and locked eyes with me.

“Yes, you do. And it’s because you like to control ev-very-thing.”

I tried to stop myself from making a screw face. I failed.

“Come on,” my husband said. “ You know it’s true. One word: Driving.”

My husband walked out of the kitchen. I had a flashback:

We were on the parkway, grooving to music; both stoked to have time to ourselves. We were chatting about our favorite scenes in Wolverine when I found myself distracted by cars whizzing by. I looked at the speedometer. Why was he doing 50mph? I had a gazillion things to do when I got home! With each passing car, I became more and more frustrated.

“You can’t drive any faster than this?” I asked.

“What’s the rush,” my husband asked. ” I’m doing the speed limit.”

“Yeah, I can see that, but you’re not even keeping up with the flow of traffic…”

Just then, another SUV zoomed by, nearly side-swiping us.

“See what I mean!?” I said. “I gotta get home. You either need to speed up or let me drive…”

“Look, we don’t have to pick up the kids for another two hours…”

“That’s why I need to get home! I’ve got a laundry list of things to do and I’m behind on all of them and you’re not helping by driving SO DAMN SLOW…”

“See that’s your problem,” my husband said. ” You gotta stop rushing so damn much.”  He sighed deeply. “I mean, damn baby, it’s a nice day…Why can’t you just chill?”

I snapped out of my flashback. Maybe there were some small, sliver of truth what he was saying. Kindred, an R&B group that I love, has a song called “Woman First.”

In the song, there is a line: when you’re a daughter, a sister, a wife, and a mother and everybody needs you more than the other; it’s so very easy to lose you.

Sometimes, I feel like I’ve lost my mind dealing with all the duties of being a working mom. My brain doesn’t shift into neutral easily, so my patience occasionally runs a bit thin.

But I can testify that ABS doesn’t just come from dealing with black men. The scope of my life is much broader:

Taking my kindness for weakness makes me angry.

Having to pay student loans when education should be free in this country makes me angry.

The lack of affordable healthcare in this country makes me angry.

But why should my anger be judged differently just because I’m a black woman? I’d rather roll with AWS – Angry Woman Syndrome because I wholeheartedly believe that ALL women can suffer from this issue.

The director of the movie I watched with my husband is convinced that Black women in general are angrier than others.

I’m not buying it.

But it’s an idea that has permeated our culture for years. Michelle Obama was charged with Angry Black Woman-ness when she said, after Obama’s nomination, that it was the first time in her adult life that she had been proud of her country. The idea of her temperament was discussed throughout the election.

In pop culture, Black woman are often portrayed as having attitude, particularly toward our men.

That’s not who I am. Do I get angry? Sure. Is it a central part of my Blackness? No.

Anger, in general, is not good. I know it’s not healthy to go stone-cold nuts over little things and I’m working through my stressors. For starters, I’m doing my morning yoga routine again and I’ve cut back on my caffeinated drinks. I’ve even found a way to chill out in the car – reading!

Hubby’s so satisfied with my progress that we’re planning our first road trip to Disney this summer and guess what – he’s doing the bulk of the driving! I’m confident I’ll be ready to trade my speedometer-monitoring for some good ‘ole summer reading.

Does this mean I’ll never be angry again? Of course not. I’ll definitely get angry. But it won’t be because I’m a Black woman. It will be because I’m human.

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Kim ‘Soulfull’ Woods is a Business Analyst for a major news outlet and an aspiring novelist.  Though her main blog, Soulfull of Thoughts, has a case of SPS (Sporadic Posting Syndrome), she’s often found in Twitterville, tweeting about her love for R&B music and her zany life as a working mom.

Soulfull’s thoughts have been featured on/in AOL.com, CBSnews.com, Columbia Journalism Review – CJR Daily, The Washington Post Newspaper – Express Edition, Wonkette and now Aliyasking.com!

Kimberly Woods

Dear readers: Last night, as I was preparing this post, I asked TH if I had ABS. He buried his head in his laptop and mumbled something I couldn’t quite make out. I do get angry sometimes. My neck will swivel. My pointer finger will begin to rise. But I’m with Kim, I think that’s all women. We’re emotional creatures. I can’t cosign on ABS. Can you?

Kim and I would love to hear from you…

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35 Responses to “Be My Guest: Kim “Soulfull” Woods”

  1. Thembi Says:

    Kim, I was looking forward to your post and you did not disappoint. Im going to let the conversation get going before I throw in my two instigatin’ cents…

  2. Acquanette House Says:

    I really enjoy reading this …keep up the good work….will past this on to my daughters 27 and 30

  3. dkwatts Says:

    Q: Does AJS exist? — Angry Japanese Woman Syndrome

    A: NO. Angry Japanese Women? YES.

    It’s the *syndrome* that’s the problem with Black women.

  4. Filmmaker - Tim Alexander Says:

    Hi, this is Tim Alexander the film’s writer/producer/director, and yes, you are absolutely right – it is all women – I just sent a special message out to my sistas who I love so dearly, because I think black women know it the least and show it the loudest.

    My second film will address all women – and men as well. The pressure will be taken off of the sistas, but I did have to give you ladies a little something extra.

    You know as a people we are very special, that can not be denied.

  5. nica Says:

    honestly i think that EVERBODY has sum kinda angry sumn syndrome. i’ve been told i’ve got an angry syndrome cus i’m short!! i agree w u ALL THE WAY its circustances and situations that make us angry. NOT BEING A BLACK WOMAN!! there are a lot more worries and stresses black women face and ish can make u mad. when u driving around in your neighborhood and the schools and parks don’t look like the ones in georgetown or other neighborhoods in upper northwest. that makes me angry.
    but wutever! i’m learning not to let words make me angry lol!

  6. Filmmaker - Tim Alexander Says:

    I agree, black women do have extra stressors – and that is exactly why they are angrier then most others. Come on ladies, you know it’s true. Stop thinking about yourselves – that is the problem. Just think about so many other sistas you have come in contact with through the years – rather you know them or just saw them in passing – our sistas have a special brand of getting pissed off!

    Yes, all women do it – and so do all men – we all get angry. But for sistas it is almost an art and a part of the culture. Who else can roll a neck like a sista?

    You rock our butts harder, dress flashier, do more to our hair – and when you get pissed – you do that bigger too!

    That is a fact that can not be denied! Yes there are reasons – but it is still true. I’m sorry, it just is, argue if you like – but everyone knows it.

    A fact is a fact, my goal is just to wake my sistas up to it so they can fix it.

  7. Cari Says:

    That’s right Kim, Amen! I am not angry because I’m a black woman but because of the unfairness of society, the obstacles to overcome and the annoyance of situations….

  8. Bobbie Says:

    Since slavery, black women have been dumped on. We had our babies taken & sold from us, our men degraded, sold, and treated as if they were no more valueable than the master’s dog. We were raped, treated as sex objects, and if children resulted from the act, they were no better off than their mothers, even if their daddy was the master. Nevertheless, the black woman has always had to struggle (unless you were an African queen), and take care of family, home, etc. since slavery. It’s not much different today in the 21st century when black men are absent from the home, not supporting their children. But this has probably also happened to women of different cultures. Even Adam couldn’t admit his mistake to God in the garden of Eden. He wanted to place the blame on Eve. So, maybe it’s more of a thing with angry women…not just angry black women.

  9. Filmmaker - Tim Alexander Says:

    You may not be angry because you are a black woman, but black women are still more angry then others even as stated above. Same thing.

    Angrier is angrier – whatever the reason. You ladies seem to be discussing reasons to side step the reality of the fact. Yes, black women over all do display more anger – and it does affect the family. It is there for many reasons, but it is there. None of us are above losing touch with the way we present ourselves, my film was meant to help women to examine themselves, and ask the question “Am I angrier then I should be? And how am I affecting the ones who love me because of it”.

    Instead of deflecting – just check yourselves, and ask the people closest to you what they think. Most women who boast that they are a “Strong Black Woman” – are the ones who are the angry ones. Why don’t we hear strong white woman, or strong asian woman?

    Yes, sistas are special in that regard. Life as a black woman does make many many black women more angry then most. It is simply a fact.

    Your hair is different, your butt is rounder – and your stress is higher – and so does your attitude follow. Yes, it really does. But it is overlooked and justified and denied. Still true though. Sorry ladies.

  10. Filmmaker - Tim Alexander Says:

    To Bobbie, yes, black women are indeed angrier, period. For all of the reasons above and the bad choice in men they make to day. Nobody alive knows a slave – and even your great grandparents weren’t or didn’t know any – so we need to give that a rest.

    We all have to take individual responsibility for ourselves today – not look back at history to try to pad and/or justify our own personal angrier – because you were never a slave and the challenges you mentioned above were never yours directly. And even for the women who had they – they were never as angry as today’s black woman.

    I also find it interesting how nobody is addressing me directly and I am right here. How often does a filmmaker address you about the issues you have with his film? Take advantage of this opportunity if you feel you have something you want to tell me.

    Peace.

  11. Tanisha Says:

    I know what people mean when they refer to angry black woman syndrome. These types of women definitely do exist. However, I also KNOW there is a difference between a strong, confident woman and an angry one. Too many times I have seen men and women confuse a self assured woman who know what she wants and isnt afraid to say it with an angry, control freak woman. Yes our styles are as unique as our bodies. Of course the way we do things can be totally different from the way other women may do it. But guess what? These differences aren’t all color based. Its usually men who dole out these types of labels. But women, no matter what color, know that we can’t be fully explained based on stereotypes placed on us by others. Men or women included. Asian, Latino, East Indian, and White women twist necks, point fingers, dress flashy, have booties, make demands, get their hair done up and everything else. I havent heard of angry Latino/Asian/East Indian/White woman syndrome. Women are unique and we can’t help that can we ladies?

  12. theprisonerswife Says:

    hmm, this rubbed me the wrong way…

    “I just sent a special message out to my sistas who I love so dearly, because I think black women know it the least and show it the loudest.”–Tim Alexander.

    Tim, I cannot cosign that black women are angrier than other women. That’s like buying into the propganda that Black men are more violent than other men, and therefore should be feared (or do you also agree with that line of thinking?).

    It’s not wise to generalize, and that is what “Angry Black Woman Syndrome” does. It puts ALL of us into some sort of emotional box without looking at what’s going on in our lives. Angry women come in ALL ethnicities. I think you may say Black women are the “loudest” and are “angrier” because that is what has continually been perpetuated in the media. We don’t see shows with ONE white person who always has a chip on their shoulder, that role is usually filled by the “Angry Black” Man/Woman. So while you may THINK Black women are angrier because, perhaps, you’re surrounded by angry women, that doesn’t mean it fits the whole.

  13. Kenesha Says:

    Hi Tim, never seen the movie, but I do agree that black women are angrier. And we’re angrier for the reasons enumerated above, black women get the shaft in society. As Zora Neale Hurston sated black women are “the mule of the world”. But I would also like to add that black MEN are angrier than any other race of men for the same reasons, sometimes their anger is direct in the form of violence or cursing, but other times it’s indirect like misogyny, putting down black women/men, etc. To add to that a lot of the anger that black men have is directed at…you guessed it…black women, which just ends up creating a vicious cycle of angry black folks.

    My personal pet peeve is when a black man will use the ABWS as an excuse for why he dates out of his race and says that white/asian/etc. women are nicer/less pushy/etc. My retort is of course she is, she isn’t going through the same BS that I’m going through!

  14. fireanddesire Says:

    Black women are overly critiqued for anything we do anyways. Its all good.
    Yes, we tend to cuss out reckless drivers (not only b/c we want them to retake drivers ed, but b/c we know and care for the interest of others.
    We also know that if “you”hit “this” car with the babies in it, we are sure that the other drivers would also prefer us to curse,
    rather than jumping up, doing a ROUNDHOUSE kick and putting them in a death lock- ultimately stopping traffic. (see we do care)
    YES, we may curse the customer agents at the shoe store.
    However this is NOT because we are ANGRY they have failed to accomodate our shoe size, instead when we bend over (knowing we can hardly bend down) and see the darn shoe we need staring right at the agent who said they didnt have our size. We are annoyed they have failed to properly perform thier JOB!. We did all the work!! Where is the MONAAY! We’ll yes we get a lit-tle mad.
    YES, we roll our eyes when we are in the car. It is because we have paid close attention and realized that the driver beside us has been looking at us since we pulled to the RED Light. Yeah we get a little frustrated, not because you are in our face, but because if you wanted an autograph baby, than follow suit (ask, pay, we’ll get you an appt.)

  15. Filmmaker - Tim Alexander Says:

    To Tanisha:

    Yes there is a difference between a strong black woman and an angry one – I am married to a wonderful black woman, who was raising 2 boys by herself before I cam into her life. And even though she worked 5 jobs and got little to no support from their 2 fathers – she never got angry and made sure the boys saw their father’s every weekend – even when the fathers didn’t want to.

    So I married her and now we have 4 (just had twin boys 20 months ago) and she is a stay at home mom. I love her to my core. She is not angry, and she ad just as many challenges as any of you other women have ever had. Her life as a child was not good, it was the usual broken mess. She controlled her anger – and she won. Now she is happy, and so am I.

    To theprisonerswife:

    Yes they are – everybody knows, they don’t say it for no reason. And yes to the other point – black men are more violent – they are angry too. Very angry – their mother’s did not pick good men to be their fathers.

    And no, it is not all black women – just way to many! Whatever the reason is not my point – my point is that black women overall (Some, not all) are angrier then most. I’m sorry, but it is true – justify it any way you like. And yes, I agree, anger is not specific to black women – but they do display it at the highest level. And it is not just perpetuated in the media – it is perpetuated throughout real life – where do you think the media got it from – thin air? Most stereotypes really do have a foundation based on something real as a starting point.

    No it is not all black women that is absurd! Are more black men in jail then any other race? Yes! Are all black men in jail? No. Is it safe to say more black men go to jail then any others? YES!! It is TRUE. Period. I don’t feel threatened by that fact, nor do I try to defend or deny it. It’s true. So I will just stay out of jail and try to encourage other young black men to do the same.

    And no, I have no angry black women in my life at this time – and I love them all for who they are in my life.

    To Kenesha:

    As far as other races of women go, you can’t deny nicer is nicer. I am trying to help my sistas understand the power of being nicer – that is the equalizer that will keep your men with you instead of them going to them for their niceness.

    To fireanddesire:

    So you mean to tell me that they drive better and the shoe agent is more competent around non-black women? It is still the same idiot – the only difference is the way the other women chose to channel their frustrations in the exact same frustrating situations. They just choose not to go off and act out in a public place and display their full unchecked attitude as so many of our sistas take the freedom to do in the name of keeping it real. People are people, and they all get just as frustrated – some races just do a better job of controlling it.

    Imagine being a first generation Asian woman, and everybody treats you like you are stupid all day because you still have not mastered the English language, and your husband dominates you at home. Do you think that is not a challenge them? But do you see them screaming at other drivers in the car or dissing shoe sales agents in the stores. I don’t. But I see my sistas doing it all the time.

  16. Kenesha Says:

    I don’t deny nicer is nicer, but black men should understand why we’re so mad. And I say we, but I don’t really consider myself and ABW. I had a good childhood and I love my life. But I do see where a lot of ABW are coming from, but I too want them to get over it, because in the end they’re getting in their own way. Whether it’s jobs, men, or friends more flies with honey. But I also want black men to stop being so angry as well.

  17. Alisha Says:

    Tim,

    Please know that all Black women don’t roll their necks or point fingers. Just as all white women aren’t quiet pushovers (a common stereotype). Just as all Asian women aren’t submissive. Your wife is your proof.

    Before you generalize an entire group of people, consider some other things. Is your mother an angry black woman? If you didn’t grow up with your father, are you automatically more violent? It disgusts me when we make broad judgements about everyone else, but we consider ourselves, the individual, as an exception to the rule.

    As far as women who fly off the handle, I think that has more to do with emotional or psychological issues, rather than the color of their skin. Women don’t come out of the womb angry.

    When it comes down to it, ANY and EVERY woman can be angry. It’s all about timing.

  18. Bobbie Says:

    Tim,
    Unfortunately, my great grandmother was a slave. I never witnessed the injustices done to her, but her history continued to be told. Maybe that’s the key word here – HISTORY. However, some things just never change. You said to give it a rest. To do that would mean to deny my ancestry.
    Kudos to you on marrying such a remarkable woman. You said your wife never got angry. Would you have us believe she’s not human? We all experience being angry at one time or another. But it’s our choice as to how we display it….if we display it at all. Apparently, your wife chooses not to display her anger.
    So I would have to ask the same question as Alisha – is your mother an angry black woman or yet is she just an angry woman?

  19. theprisonerswife Says:

    “Yes they are – everybody knows, they don’t say it for no reason. And yes to the other point – black men are more violent – they are angry too. Very angry – their mother’s did not pick good men to be their fathers.”–Tim Alexander

    *shudders*

    Tim, you do realize that this type of thinking–the one you admit to buying into–that Black women are angry & that Black men are NATURALLY more violent than other men is the type of thought that give racist arguments power. I can’t condone this type of thought. I cannot cosign, or ride for, or buy anything from anyone who thinks/feels this way. It REEKS of self-hatred, even if you aren’t aware of it.

    Your assertion that “everybody knows it” is problematic. First of all, who is everybody? Is this the same everybody that knew Sadaam was somehow behind 9/11? Is this the same everybody that thought segregation and the 3/5th compromise was what Black people deserved? Sure, my examples are extreme, but that is to highlight the utter ridiculousness of your argument. So, because Black people (all of us, i suppose, under your thinking) are violent and angry, it’s OK that we’re treated differently, locked up at disproportionate rates, suffer through an unequal education system…that’s cool right, because we are somehow less able to control our natural inclinations for anger?

    bull shit. and i’m calling you on it.

  20. Russell Nichols Says:

    This was a great post Kim. I thought it was hilarious that you fell asleep during the movie and then your husband wanted you to finish it the next day.

    I think you bring up a good point that it’s all women, and all humans for that matter. But I kinda look at it like in this society, there are certain things, “stressors” like Tim said, or straws that can weigh heavy on our backs.

    To be human in this society, means we have natural anger. But to be a black person (or any other minority) in this country means we’re still dealing with prejudices past and present. And to be a woman in this society adds another element. So a black woman in this society has all three elements at play, which can create a lot of bottled up rage.

    But then, maybe the argument shouldn’t be whether we’re angry or not, but what is the best way to handle it. If someone figures that out, let me know because I got rage too.

  21. flamboyantchiq Says:

    I will address you Tim.
    I think labeling us; “Angry Black Women” is a bunch of crap.

    It is part of the conspiracy to keep black women from being wanted by white men. No man wants an angry, mean hearted woman. Therefore, to stereotype us in that way keeps them from lusting after us. If the majority of the race saw us for what we really are, they would want black women and procreate thus becoming what they hate, black.

    To give an example of a single babymama raising her kids alone with little or no help from the fathers and her making sure that the fathers remain in their lives is irrelevant. Maybe she didn’t get angry because she trapped the fathers, or felt guilty that she didn’t marry one of them before having a second child.

    Are you seriously saying that if we were nicer like white women our problems would go away?
    They have the luxury to be nice, we don’t.

    I don’t believe that black women are angrier. We are perceived that way because we are in situations that cause us to show emotions more often.

    When you have to professionally check the sales lady who offers to help the white lady that is behind you in line, then you’re an ABW.

    When you have to ask a cop for the fifth time why you were pulled over, other than the fact that you are a little black girl in a hooptie, then you’re an ABW.

    When you ask for a manager at Walmart because you saw how the receipt guy let two white couples before you leave the store without being checked, but took the time to check every item in your cart after you asked for help to your car(like I would ask for help if I had stolen goods), then your’e an ABW.

    Everyday, we are in situations that other women of different races don’t have to experience.

    Circumstances that bring about frustration, annoyance, and a few eye rolls.
    Witnesses to this, the media, and a few “negroes” lump it all together and label us the angriest female on the planet.

  22. Filmmaker - Tim Alexander Says:

    I think you all need to see the movie. You can pick up a copy at Walmart or buy it online at Amazon.com here:
    http://www.amazon.com/Diary-Tired-Black-Jimmy-Jean-Louis/dp/B001L67A46

    You can find out more about the film here:
    http://tiredblackman.blogspot.com/

    And here:
    http://www.tiredblackman.com/

    You can also join in to the discussion with other men and women who have seen the movie in my online forum here (if you dare):
    http://www.tiredblackman.com/forums/

    I do come in piece. I am only trying to open women’s eyes to how they let their anger lead them. No it is not all black women, and yes all other women and men have anger issues too. But is is at a very unique and forceful level with many of our sistas, and it does need to be examined so it does not advance unchecked. We can’t let it get worse – and all stereotypes have a foundation in some truths and realities.

    Let us all look at ourselves. And if something is wrong – let’s work to fix it. Don’t worry about what happened before you got here – deal correctly with what you are dealing with today.

    I am now working on my second film, and now after my special message to my strong black sistas – I am going after everybody worldwide! I just shot some in Paris, London and Hidelberg Germany.

    Men, women, black, white, asian or latin – I am going after everybody with this one.

    Maybe then you ladies will understand my message of change. Please work to find the message – and not just your emotions from being called out. That is pointless.

    First see the film, then think deeply and reflect on you and your life.

    Women by the thousands have emailed me to tell me how much this film has helped them. Please see it for yourself, it is well worth your time.

    Thank you, Tim

  23. kimkim Says:

    Always an interesting topic Aliya. I actually see the point that Tim was trying to make (and its bigger than the label).

    Call me crazy or say I have self hatred if you like (bc that seems to be the category we place people in whenever they say something that goes against our own race), but why is it so hard for us to admit that YES SOME of us are extremely angry, and a lot of it is misplaced? We cant deny or forget our history but we hinder ourselves from progress when we keep using it as an excuse to justify our actions of TODAY. That’s like saying “yeah he doesn’t take care of his kids but it’s because HIS father wasn’t around so thats why” like it’s ok. No, it’s not ok! It’s still an excuse. Women are so quick to get mad whenever someone criticizes them instead of first seeing if it’s warranted. Some of it is!

    If you don’t like the label, that’s one thing. But to act like black women like that don’t exist at all (and that sometimes you don’t fall into that category) is straight up denial. We seriously need to stop making so many excuses because many of the stereotypes that have been placed upon us as a whole are still alive and well. I personally see it daily so let’s not act like we are perfect. If we don’t like the labels, it is up to US to change it. The only way to do it is to first be honest with yourself. People can’t keep perpetuating stereotypes if they no longer exist.

    Even if you don’t find the situations mentioned applicable to you, there are black women in this world who do fall into that category. I haven’t seen the movie so I don’t know examples were used but I will say, from reading Kim’s post I had to stop and ask myself “Do I suffer from ABWS?”Guess what? Sometimes I DO. Sometimes I get a little too miffed at sh*t that doesn’t matter. My friends and women in my family do as well. I’ve also seen it at work. It happens.

    Is it the end of the world? No. It just means that we need to work on controling our emotions better because people ARE judging us more harshly than others. But at the same time, that’s not a bad thing that it’s being called out. Why is it bad to say you’re wasting energy being that mad all the time? I should think that’s a NEGATIVE thing?

    There was a much bigger point to his movie, but IMHO, everyone is mostly focusing on the title…..

  24. Yolonda Says:

    You I must say this. As I was reading this post while flipping between my 9-5, I realized that I too swivel my neck, point my finger and raise my voice when I am stressed but I agree with Kim. It is not because I have ABW Syndrome; it is because I am HUMAN.

    Wow, I didn’t even recognize the syndrome in myself but I think it is because we, as black woman, just think it is apart of who we are.

    Loved the post & thanks for making me “aware” (LOL)

  25. Filmmaker - Tim Alexander Says:

    Thank you kimkim – on point!

    And to Yolonda,
    “I realized that I too swivel my neck, point my finger and raise my voice when I am stressed but I agree with Kim. It is not because I have ABW Syndrome; it is because I am HUMAN.”

    Then why don’t other people swivel their necks, point their fingers and raise their voices as often as SOME black women do? That is my exact point! Yes you are, as we all are – human. But overall, it seems that black women time and time again are the angriest humans. Some not all.

  26. Filmmaker - Tim Alexander Says:

    I know I am going to get in trouble for posting this very exaggerated example – but here goes is a link you should see. It does not reflect the content of my film, it is very silly, and a bit offensive (I can’t even believe she did it!), but none the less – here it is. That is the way many people see black women. Either change, or deal with it ladies – they do not see you that way for completely no reason.

    Click this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7nCyodUDrQ

  27. Filmmaker - Tim Alexander Says:

    Here is the video:

    [video removed by me, Aliya S. King]

  28. Filmmaker - Tim Alexander Says:

    I wish the woman had the ability to see herself in that video – she would say it was him and there was nothing wrong with her because she is black and her great great great grandparents were slaves.

    When does the denial end. Please ladies – check your anger – wherever you got it from! It is not cute nor is it positive or useful to anyone – and especially not to yourself. You wonder why black men are dating other women – look at yourselves for the answers.

    Peace.

  29. la negrita Says:

    “You wonder why black men are dating other women – look at yourselves for the answers.”

    At the end of the day, whatever action a person takes is because of themselves. As a black woman, I’m not gonna carry that burden on my back. If a black man wants to date outside of the race because he can’t handle black women, that’s his problem–not mine.

  30. Filmmaker - Tim Alexander Says:

    Yeah it is yours (black womanhood) – if it wasn’t, then so many black women wouldn’t be complaining. And they are the only ones complaining about it – not even white men are! Stay in denial, that IS your choice!

    I love black women and am married to a wonderful calm black woman who despises drama! And I love her so dearly for it – what are men saying about you? Can your man (or the ones you ran away) say the same? Take the test.

    Here is a link so you can see my happy family:
    http://www.tiredblackman.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=6065

    And we have to stop women like this (See video below) from reproducing their own kind. This is but one example of who I am talking about. She will reproduce a losers baby for sure! No, she does not represent the intelligent educated black women, but she does bring down your score as black women. This is who they model the angry black woman after – and they do have a point. The educated women have different issues – they club you over the head with the fact that they have a education. You ever seen a white woman say “I’m an educated white woman!” – I haven’t. Black women overall do display their attitudes differently – and that is saying it nicely.

    Watch the video below if you dare.

    WARNING – not work safe and do not listen if you have sensitive ears!!!

    [Video removed by me, Aliya S. King.]

  31. la negrita Says:

    Being in denial means that I’m hiding from the truth. Well, everyone’s “truth” is different. In my life, it’s untrue that I can’t find a man, or that I’m bitter over black men ditching sistas for other races. While I do have my feelings about it, it’s more about the weakening of the black community as a whole, and not so much about me individually.

    I think a lot of women just don’t know what THEY want, or who THEY are, and that’s the root of a lot of issues (with men, or just in general).

    What are men saying about me? I dunno, ask them! LOL but whatever they’re saying…I honestly don’t care. If I am sure about anything, it’s who I am as a person. If someone chooses to walk away, it’s their loss. Seriously. Too bad they won’t grow to learn how fabulous I am. :-D Anytime I have walked away from a person, regardless of how I felt about them, it’s ALWAYS about what I do and don’t want for myself. Period. So why should I worry my head over why a man walks away from me? Like I said, it’s his issue. If I couldn’t be what he needed me to be then the best decision IS to walk away. Hopefully the next woman can fill those shoes.

    There really are plenty of fish in the sea. I choose to look at relationships this way, which keeps me from going crazy when seasons come to an end.

  32. Filmmaker - Tim Alexander Says:

    OK. I think you took it a little to heart but…

    Any way, my film is about angry women, and the issues they cause their men and children from it – and most of them have black men. We got way off topic.

    I am not in any way saying all black women are angry – even though some here including the writer of the blog post – have admitted to being angry at times and then justified it.

    I agree with you ladies… I would really hate to wear that label too. But it had to start from somewhere…

    …and I have seen it myself personally many times.

  33. Writer Chick Says:

    I purchased that movie and after watching it wanted my money and two hours of my life back. When I saw the title, I expected an intelligent, insightful, nuanced and possibly comedic look into what makes a black man tired…you know, something that wouldn’t just spark conversation but would also advance the dialogue. What I got was a lot of foolishness to be frank. You have the filmmaker (or the interviewer) prodding his “wo/man on the street” interviewees to prove his point, that black women are extra angry and that’s a syndrome, which I found lacking in both substance and support. [Note: just because a random person with a PhD is prodded by the interviewer to say so …don’t make it so.] After the countless on- screen opinions, it all basically boiled down to “black men are tired because black women are angry. Black women are angry because black men are triflin’. Black men are triflin’ because black women don’t know how to treat a man. Black women don’t know how to treat a man b/c most grew up w/o fathers. Black men don’t stick around to raise their children because of the destruction of the black family during slavery.” And…scene! And that synopsis is putting it much more succinctly than in the film. After watching it and being pissed off (because I wasted both my time and money) I gave it to a male friend to see if I was tripping or if the movie was really as bad as I thought it was. He didn’t even watch the whole thing. So, I’m saying all of this to say, that while I think the conversation is interesting, black women being angry is not a syndrome (and saying so is faulty at best, fraudulent at worst) perhaps the anger is a condition or by-product of being tired. A lot of the men in that film seemed angry to me so maybe it’s a pandemic [using the same logic from the film to label black women being angry a syndrome]. I’m not trying to knock the film unjustifiably but I seriously felt like the victim of false advertising. I’m glad to see you’re branching out, but for the next film, please, do better.

  34. Filmmaker - Tim Alexander Says:

    Interesting review. If anyone would like to read others that differ considerably take a look here:
    http://www.amazon.com/Diary-Tired-Black-Jimmy-Jean-Louis/dp/B001L67A46

    And here:
    http://tiredblackman.blogspot.com/

    I am sure she feels the ways she does, and most people have friends who share there core views – but thousands of others feel quite differently about it.

    Here is an email I recived from a woman:

    Sharon B, Owings Mills, MD. 5-25-09:
    This movie was supposed to just be something to watch to bide the time this evening but instead it changed me. My husband has been saying these things to me for the past 5 years but they were never heard, never understood—until tonight. Thank the Lord for vision. I have been so stupid and deaf! For my husband, THANK YOU. THANK YOU. To my husband who I love with all my heart, I AM SORRY.

    _END

    And I have thousands more. Everybody does not like the same thing – but this film did get an 86% approval rating from women. Read some of the other reviews for yourself.

    And sorry Writer Chick about your disappointment, but maybe you should watch it again. Many women did get it on the second pass – after getting over the shock and emotional reaction to the film’s point of view.

    Thank you for your support though. God bless.

    Tim (and yes, I was the interviewer!)

  35. mamajanna Says:

    Wow, what a discussion. And you know, everyone’s right! There is a perception that Black women are angry. It’s why we often don’t get useful feedback in the workplace. I once asked a manager if he thought I was going to jump on the table and do a Zulu dance if he gave me much needed criticism. In my years on this earth, I’ve known many angry Black women, but you know what, I’ve known lots of angry Black men as well. You know the type, just like the girl in the video, everything happens, “because I’m Black.” We just need to get over ourselves.

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