The Ombudsman Speaks: Week In Review

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Three years ago, I hopped on a plane to London to go visit my home-girl who was studying abroad.  She told me that we were going to hit up this club to listen to some poetry. On a whim, I put together a piece to perform – something I had never done before.

Much to my chagrin, they called me up to read first. I cleared my throat, took a deep breath and dived in.  When I was done, the entire room was clapping. Women were teary eyed and dudes were nodding, “this kid’s pretty good.”

Flash-forward five months, and I’m still reeling from all the London Love.  So I decide to read the exact same poem at an open mic event in Chicago.

They called my name and I walked confidently to the microphone. I cleared my throat, took a deep breath and dived in. When I was done, it was so quiet you could hear a rat pissing on cotton.  The host, realizing I was finished (and mortified), started a loud, phony clap to let everyone know I was done and…well…that they should clap too.

I stepped down off the stage, pulled my Kangol down over my eyes and never wrote/performed a poem ever again.

When I saw ASK debuted a new column called “Poetry Sundays with Stacia,” I grumbled.

Poetry? Really?

Do we have to read this?

But then I realized: I’m bitter.  I let an uppity group of faux neo-soulers steal my thunder.  Poetry. Spoken word. It’s all great stuff.  Maybe it’s time I reopened myself to the possibilities of what a great poem can provide.  Inspiration? Clarity? Entertainment?

Poetry Sundays with Stacia: Not sure I’ll love it. Probably won’t hate it. But I’ll definitely read it.

I know one thing, If ASK tumbles for me one more time, I may scream.

She calls it micro-blogging (because this blog clearly isn’t enough, I guess).  Honestly, Aliya’s Tumblr page has a cool layout .  When I saw it, I got hypnotized “Oooh nice. It’s like a mini website.”

But then I quickly snapped out of it.

This week on ASK’s blog, we had to read two posts about how she loves micro-blogging on Tumblr, and how she’s learning to use Tumblr in conjunction with Twitter, WordPress and Facebook, consequently updating everyone who she’s a friend with on Facebook and who follows her on Twitter about this fun-filled discovery.  (Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh) When is enough…enough?!

Seriously.

How about we tumble into the next relevant post shall we?

“Journalism 101: What NOT to Do.”

(Hey I’ve got an idea.  Don’t write two mini posts on your blog about mini-posting on Tumblr.)

I digress.

I love when ASK takes me to school in her Journalism 101 pieces.  This week’s was a doozy.

Some misspelling fool sent an atrocious email to the editor of Upscale, national, lifestyle magazine, asking if his/her celebrity client could be on the cover of the magazine.  Hell, if I knew it was that easy, I would have emailed mrs. johnson years ago asking if I could be on the cover. Dumb ass.

At first glance, this post seems like yet another don’t-forget-to-use-spell-check tongue-lashing. But beneath the surface are some great facts: What do you put in a subject line of an unsolicited query? When is it okay to use your PDA to correspond with professionals in your industry?  What does editors really think when you email them?  All great questions accompanied by even better answers.

For the first time, Fashion Fridays featured a male subject, ASK’s assistant/babysitter Shydel James.  He appears to have won over Little Miss Brown.  And I’ll admit, dude does have some style. The outfit he had on Monday was hot.

But this column falls flat when we aren’t poking fun at ASK and her headband fashion faux pas.  Note: Lose the headband, ASK. For real.  For the most part, ASK aside, no one seems to be in dire need of any real fashion advice.

I need to see a fanny pack toting, mommy jeans wearing, homely looking woman, who Little Miss Brown can really go in on – and help.   Now there’s a story worth reading. And what about some before and after shots with the homely lady taking Little Miss Brown’s advice?

This week’s wrap-up:

READ THIS POST: “Journalism 101: What NOT to Do”

LESSON OF THE WEEK: Unless we’re talking about an excavation in the earth for extracting coal and other minerals, MINES is not a word.

WEEKLY DISCLAIMER: Ahem. I’m curious about this Tumblr.  I could always tumble dry on low heat. You know, just to get a feel for it. Ahem.

Rating for this week on Aliyasking.com: ***

*****DOPE
****PRETTY GOOD
***NOT BAD
**WEAK
*EH. I SHOULD HAVE WATCHED LOL CATS INSTEAD.

Agree? Disagree? What did you think of AliyaSKing.com this week? Are you sick of her Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr overload? Do you think only women should be featured on Fashion Friday? And for God’s sake, can someone please tell this chick to lose the headband?

I’m the new ombudsman up in this piece. And I’d love to hear from you.

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3 Responses to “The Ombudsman Speaks: Week In Review”

  1. la negrita Says:

    I like the idea of the Fashion post. The problem is that most people will dress their best if they are going to be featured, which negates the whole process. I usually check out a few of Aliya’s Tumblr posts if I catch ’em in my Twitter feed, but I’m not interested in Tumblr otherwise. Nothing against ASK. After Twitter, I have no more energy to give to social media.

  2. clove Says:

    Now I know what an ombudsman is, thanks. I agree about fashion friday now that I think about it. would help to have more atrocious dressers mixed in but in general I do like the idea and seeing other people’s style.

    I will never get on it myself but the Tumblr posts are enjoyable

  3. landis91 Says:

    “You could hear a rat pissing on cotton.” Did you steal that from the southern-behind dude from the alien show? If so, I decided I was going to jack that as well.

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