Aliya S. King

My Aunt Janna just sent me an email. Warning about pistachioes and salmonella poisoning.

I’m a pistachio-loving fool.

This is scary.

I hate when healthy food proves deadly. Like the spinach incident from a few years back. It just seems so unfair. What the hell can we eat?

My pistachioes for lunch. Which I eat every day. I'm not tossing them. These things are expensive. And obviously, this batch is fine. I've been eating them for three weeks...

Cleaning out my bag before I start working. (It’s a ritual. I can’t have clutter when I write) Found this business card someone gave me…

I was walking around Macy’s the other night. This woman walks up to me and says, “Here. Take my card. And give me a call if you need anything…”

She owns a hair salon.

How should I take that?

Is she saying, you look so fly that I’d love to have you in my shop?

Or. Is she saying, I don’t know what you have on under that warm and fuzzy hat but something tells me it ain’t all good.

I’m going for the latter.

Ugh.

Should I have been offended? I totally was. Though I don’t think she meant any harm. Maybe I’m too sensitive.

Oh. And what’s up with the crossed out digits on the business card? Once your number changes, I say you bite the bullet and re-up. No?

Have you ever rocked business cards with the cross-out? Don’t lie!

Oh. And should Charlene’s offer have offended me?

What’s up with that? I added the Twitter widget to my sidebar. Thought it was kinda cool. But it never works? What’s up with that?

I don’t have any more Lactaid pills here in the office!

That means I can’t have any of Omar’s sweet and delicious coffee made with whole milk!

If I drink this coffee, there will be hell to pay. Trust me.

And I can’t go buy any Lactaid pills cause it’s Wednesday. And the parking is weird. And I had to park really far. And I’ll have to park even farther if I leave and come back.

If you’re a coffee head like me, you’ll know why I feel like crying right now.

How on earth will I be able to channel Frank Lucas without coffee? DAMMIT.

SOB!

This just came in my InBox.

Let’s keep in mind, Dear Readers, that Mr. Lucas’ upcoming book project is currently paying my bills. We will not make any judgment calls on his new business ventures. At least not out loud. And not in the comments. Or they will be deleted.

Don’t think Frank Lucas ain’t on the Internets. Cause he is.

A clothing line. Hmmm.